Resolutions vs. Wishful Thinking


It’s been a while since I sketched anything. It’s not like anybody cares anyway, so I suppose it’s okay. I’ve been thinking of the reasons why I don’t feel like writing a long list of new year resolutions for 2009. I never missed dedicating one or a few journal entries babbling all about my resolutions. This year, though, it’s different. I don’t know if that means I’ve stopped believing in resolutions or that I’ve simply grown up to become more realistic.

Making a list of new year resolutions (I’ll just use the abbreviation, NYR after this point onwards) is customary in many people’s life. Not making one makes one seems estranged. I’ve come to ask myself why I made NYRs in the first place. Do I want all these, or do I hope to be able to do what I enlisted in my NYR? If I only wish for it, how is that any different from simply making a wishful thinking?

How many people actually put as much efforts into realising their NYRs? I know people who do, and I also know people who don’t. I remember asking one of my friends about her NYRs:

Me: I’m just wondering, but… Why do you write new year resolutions?
Her: *chuckles* What are you talking about? Isn’t that the normal thing to do?
Me: Normal?
Her: When the year’s coming to an end, everyone talks nothing but about new year and new year resolutions. Making your own is like a custom, you know.
Me: Customary, huh…

One of her resolutions, if I remember correctly, was to buy Nintendo Wii (hahaha! I beat you to it, dearest~). It confused me greatly, though I was trying so hard not to burst out laughing. In my honest opinion, resolutions shouldn’t be taken as ‘what I want in [insert year here]’, but they should be viewed as ‘what I must do/achieve in [insert year here]’. My friend can sock my face all she wants, but my opinion stands.

If I do, perhaps, have a resolution for 2009, it would be this:

I promise myself I’d make 2009 better than 2008.

There, simple and very general so it wouldn’t hurt me too badly when things don’t go my way.

And so this entry marks Caramel Toffee’s journey into yet another year of honest, somewhat sarcastic/humourous and hopefully witty collection of journal entries.

2008 – To forget and to remember

Haven’t been doing much these past few days. Both the Maal Hijrah and the new year (interesting that they’re so close this year) have sent me into some kind of thinking mode about the past and the future. My childhood friend, who’s probably the first friend I’ve ever made (considering we are neighbours and we met each other when we were no older than 1 year olds, and both our mothers are from Perak too), pointed out to me that I’ve been way to quite in 2008. Losing contacts with people around me, dissappearing almost without a trace. I’ve only been updating my Livejournal. My LJ is semi-friends-only, so they couldn’t have had access to my entries.

Why was I being a hermit this year? I have no idea. There was this strange feeling of wanting to let go of many things. I had no desire of going out and hanging out with friends. Heck, I even avoided going to gatherings and events, spending holidays in my room. I think it started around April that I stopped caring about my social life. I can’t remember what happened despite having kept a private diary.

Despite all these years of growing up, and despite being over 20 now, I’m constantly reminded that I’m still a child. By my mother, of course. I wonder why it’s so hard to be understood. I’m always what they call the ‘uncaring’ and ‘unfeeling’ one. Is there only one way to show familial love, I wonder? Have I been doing wrong all this time?

Now isn’t the right time to dwell, I suppose. I’m not even making any sense. I probably should stop feeling all down and weary and miserable now. I’d pick myself up from the pieces I reduced myself to, and start over with a fresh start in 2009 and beyond. Yeah, I probably should do that.

Goodbye, 2008. I’m sorry that I’d rather not remember you.

p.s/ My download speed is being a total prick after being praised a bit in the previous entry. Looking at the ‘Speed’ column in my download manager makes me want to pull my hair out. Grr…

2007 Round-Up, 2008 Resolutions

I can hardly believe that in a few hours, I’ll be leaving 2007 behind. Basically, this also means that I’ve almost used up my 3-month-holiday not doing pretty much anything. Okay, not true, I moved around a lot. I shopped a lot too. But that’s that. My sources of income this holiday are limited to only my part-time designing projects and my t-shirt projects. That aside, 2007 is a memorable year for me. Why?

  1. My 1st year as a University of Auckland student
  2. I finally hit the big 2. I turned 20 in September, 2007.
  3. My niece and nephew now like to play with the less sociable (with kids only) me
  4. My English is improving
  5. I passed all exams and assignments
  6. 2 weeks of School-based Experience in SMK Bandar Tasik Selatan
  7. Funny how I struggled for proper, advanced Malay words during my Malaysian Studies (Ethics)  assignment presentation.  That’s how badly we’ve been pressured to communicate in English- so badly that we stutter in Malay. I wonder where all my public speaking wits went off to.
  8. I actually freaked out and almost hyperventilated right after doing each exam paper (last finals).
  9. A few *ahem* guys expressed their interests in me. But I declined them. I’m simply not ready to open up a place in my heart for anyone. Study (and blogging, ha!) comes first.
  10. I finally have my own cards to be used for online shopping! Public Bank Visa Electron and Tune Card are great!
  11. My domains,, and were registered – in that exact order. I’m really happy with the names.
  12. I made a total of US $2,586 in online activities. Small sum, but I’m happy!
  13. I lost 7 kg in 2 months with simply eating less and counting calories!

That’s for 2007. My hopes for 2008 are:

  1. Focus more on my studies. Get the desired A’s and first class degree.
  2. Find semester jobs. At least one is enough. NZ $465 is a small sum to live by. Not fair how $800 went to the accommodation only. Not counting mobile and internet bills yet. Aargh!
  3. Make more money online. Write more, play less.
  4. Update as often as possible with everything learnt in a day.
  5. Update Stylish Geeks, Junjou and Caramel Toffee once a day or once every two or three days.
  6. Increase creativity.
  7. Increase blog readership.
  8. Write more useful and meaningful content.
  9. Submit quality assignments.
  10. Lose some more weight.
  11. Make lots of new blogger friends.

I hope to be able to realise all that in 2008, especially the ‘making lots of blogger friends’ part. It’s kind of lonely on my own in this big space, you know… That, and HAPPY NEW YEAR, darlingtons!

2007 New Year Resolution

My holiday is coming to an end. Tomorrow will be my last day at home, and I don’t know how to describe my feelings now. Well, given, I’ve been at home since November 5. It seemed like a long holiday then, but now I can’t help but think about how short it feels. It will be about a year until I’ll have college break this long. And in 2008, I will have to fly overseas. Not sure how I feel about that too. I’ve never been overseas for more than 2 weeks. Just five to ten days, at most.

In case I will not be able to write tomorrow, I’ll just go on with my New Year Resolution today.

My hopes for 2007 are:

  • To grab as many As as possible in my subjects.
  • To finish all the psychology books in the library.
  • To always be ahead of the lecturers so I won’t be left out.
  • To create my very own PHP scripts
  • To finish my very own CMS script projects
  • To finish my ASP scripts that I started
  • To not sleep and laze around too much
  • To polish my interpersonal skills – to assure myself that I can be a good teacher
  • To lose some weight 😀 (Haha… yeah, right. As if.)
  • To polish my writing skills, make them shine more
  • To be able to control my shopaholic instinct so I can save money (though quite unlikely…)
  • To blog as often as possible
  • To start the new year without thinking about previous problems (money, guys, pretentious friendship, etc)
  • To make more money online (Really, I do).
  • To be able to remember my New Year Resolutions

That’s all I can think about right now. I might add some more later. The last hope is the one I wish I could remember because I usually forget about them halfway through the year. Too much fun makes Adlina a careless girl.To all my Muslim friends (and all Muslims out there), happy Eid-ul-adha! My Allah bless each and everyone of us, and remember not to eat too much. And happy new year to everyone! May the new year brings light, prosperity, harmony and happiness to us all.