A Crack in the Wood & A Splash in the Sand

A couple of weeks ago, I submitted my last assignment. Just a few days ago, I sat for my final exam. The next semester? It’s all practicum. I’ll be going to SMK Seri Saujana (info, anyone?) with Hanin and Mira, but this post isn’t about practicum. Not yet. It’s not that I’m not ready to go into school for actual teaching. I’ll be lying if I say I’m not scared, because I am, but I’m not ready to let go just yet.

I may be quick to have a change of heart at certain things, but to let go of the last five years is something very hard. I know I’d still see my best buddies until the end of this semester and during practicum. Next year is still over 6 months away but I’m already thinking about separation. I know I’m not close to every one of my coursemates, but I acknowledge and applaud them for their unique personality that makes them… well, them. You can describe someone without mentions of names and we’d probably right away know whom you’re talking about. If I can sum up my coursemates in one word, I only know of one:

A W E S O M E

I probably won’t ever come across similar lot of people anymore – people with talents ranging from sewing to drawing to singing to playing multiple musical instruments to sports et cetera et cetera. It makes me a bit sad. When I return to my hometown, it’s probably going to be even harder to find people like them. Don’t try to correct me. I know this by experience. Even if you think your lot is 100 times more awesome, I can’t verify that since I don’t know them (duh!). Will there still be someone who’d listen to me when I speak or joke?

When I was in secondary school, I remember my teacher saying something like “The friends you make during the last 5-6 years of your life as students are likely to be the ones who’d stay in touch with you throughout your whole life our of pure friendship. They’re likely to be the ones you’d remember the most anyway, so cherish them always.” I seriously hope this is true.

Mira, Hanin, Khairiyyah, Nisrin, Hijrah, Lucille, Zu Lee, Rozi, Dyau, Fifi (I’m stuck calling you that, LOL, sorry!), Zaki, Fayadh, Atie and the name goes on. You guys know which ones of you lot changed bits and pieces of my previously monotonous life. You made me smile, smile, smile, laugh, cry, laugh, smile, cry, smile, and you let me feel all sorts of feelings and emotions – so much that sometimes I’m scared of how dependent I’ve become on my friends. Thank you for being my friends. Thank you for even listening to whatever I’ve crapped about.

I’ve been through changes, like the once smooth surface of wood now lavished with cracks here and there that let sunshine, wind and even rain through. Some parts, though, remain the same, but not so – just like a splash of water to the sand. Splashes after splashes, changes in texture are bound to happen, but they probably would not be so noticable, unlike those obvious cracks in the wood. Some changes made me happy, some not so. I want to leave IPBA so much because sometimes, it feels like I’m living in a military camp where some of the higher ups bark rudely and bitchy-ly most of the times. At the same time, I don’t want to leave my friends and the happy time we had.

And now I also have wonderful juniors as apartment mates and young friends, and special mention to Shap for being my cute and not so naive (anymore because there’s Mira and me , LOL) roommate. Our time of knowing each other is short, but at least I want you people to know how happy you made me feel when you acknowledged my existence.

I’m being emotional. Maybe it’s the time (4.18am). Maybe it’s just me.

And now I’ve lost the stream of words I was supposed to write down. Maybe I’ll continue later.

Ciao.

p.s/ Credit to Zaki for the photo.

A Dash of Nostalgia and A Sprinkle of Salt

Old Picture, Fresh Memory

Yes, the image above is a proof that I’m back to my lomography obsession now.

So I’ve sent two years worth of stuff for shipping yesterday morning. My apartment now looks like a messed up playroom of some poorly organised schoolchildren. After struggling to fit my two years of life into three tea chest boxes, my body aches all over. The boxes were too high for me, so bending down in the correct way was not possible at all. I had to bend down like a dork, even stepping into the box at some point, to make sure the items stay the way I want them to. My back hurts like there’s no tomorrow because of that.

Now that the finals are around the corner (this Saturday, to be precise), I find myself thinking back to the days when we first reached Auckland. It feels like a long time ago, but it also tastes fresh in my mind still. I may be somewhat reclusive compared to most of my coursemates, but I’d like to think that I’ve had a fair share of good times with them, regardless of how limited my participation was.

I didn’t get to go places because of some limitations. My parents greatly discouraged me from traveling. “You can go back later when you’re already working. In fact, you can visit any country you want to once you’re earning some decent money on your own,” my mother once told me. I feel a little sad for not taking the opportunity to travel, but I know Mom meant well for me. I’ll be back, maybe in a couple of years if not next year for certain events where I get semi-sponsored out of luck. I’ll be traveling a lot starting from next year, so I really should not feel sad about not having the time and money to travel this year and the last.

I believe that as long as I’m alive and breathing, opportunities live with me, walking side by side with me and holding my hands. They will always wait for the right time to pull at my sleeves, so I won’t feel sad anymore.

Remembering all those little things makes me feel old. I’m no longer that girl who was paranoid all the time about what people would think about her if she were to choose a certain path. I’ve become that girl who doesn’t care about what people think about her and thinks that she at least has a right to make her own decisions.

I’d like to just extend my deepest condolences to friends who lost their loved ones in the span of two years being overseas. It must have been a great emotional challenge to go through, so I hope my feelings would somehow reach them and become a tiny portion of their strength (even if they don’t need it from me).

I can’t wait to go home. I just can’t wait.

And I’m sure this entry is just one in a series of posts relating to ‘nostalgia’ that I may possibly be writing soon.

Birthday and Sailing Experience

decks01Yesterday was my birthday, and I have to say that it was probably the dullest birthday I’ve ever had. First, I forgot about it until late Friday night. I was like, “Wait, today’s 25th? So tomorrow’s my birthday? Huh??”. That just goes to say that time just moves too fast for my brain to catch up. Seriously. It’s been raining non-stop in Auckland the past couple of weeks. It rained yesterday too, of course. I spent the day indoor listening to the strong wind howling throughout the whole apartment. It was a downright creepy sound too. Before I knew it, the day was over and 27th came (Happy Birthday Akmar!!).

But today is like a wonderful post-birthday celebration of sorts. Our class went on a sailing trip (though we were on two separate boats). It’s the first sailing trip I’ve ever had and it’s probably going to be the last one too.  Can’t afford it otherwise (this trip was sponsored, so…). I’d rather spend the money traveling on planes to different continents if I can afford the luxury. The wind was nice. The view was nice once we get past the docks. No one got seasick~ We were practically standing on the seats.

At first, we were so in the ‘BOAT RACING!’ mood, but then the wind was too nice to even think about competing. Lol. Just before we end the trip, our boats docked side by side where everybody brought out the cakes and sang a birthday song to Akmar and I. The cakes were also meant for Eid 😉 I didn’t know there was going to be cakes. The cheesecake was awesomely delicious. Just a little bit saltier than usual but delicious nonetheless. Next comes the lunch. Fried rice from Angie’s Kitchen. The best thing was that…

…we ended up eating lunch where it says ‘No passengers on decks‘. Pfft. Just like us. Just like in the picture;  it was taken where we definitely shouldn’t be at.

This trip, I have to say, is a very memorable one for me. After the dull day yesterday, this Sunday is definitely several times more awesome.

Now I have to return to my deadly EDUC348 assignment. For some reasons, I’m not freaking out at all although I’m calling it ‘deadly’. Hmm. I must have snapped.

p.s/What’s with the sudden onslaught of Russian spams? They were in Russian before, but now the comments are in English. The comments are so funny too. Pfft.I guess spammers really do try so hard to fail at life evn though they’re already so full of fail

p.p.s/ Mom, I’m not as anti-social as you think, lol. I’m just an indoor kind of person, like a disproportionate chubby, overweight hamster that’s too comfortable in its cage ♥♥♥