A Dash of Nostalgia and A Sprinkle of Salt

Old Picture, Fresh Memory

Yes, the image above is a proof that I’m back to my lomography obsession now.

So I’ve sent two years worth of stuff for shipping yesterday morning. My apartment now looks like a messed up playroom of some poorly organised schoolchildren. After struggling to fit my two years of life into three tea chest boxes, my body aches all over. The boxes were too high for me, so bending down in the correct way was not possible at all. I had to bend down like a dork, even stepping into the box at some point, to make sure the items stay the way I want them to. My back hurts like there’s no tomorrow because of that.

Now that the finals are around the corner (this Saturday, to be precise), I find myself thinking back to the days when we first reached Auckland. It feels like a long time ago, but it also tastes fresh in my mind still. I may be somewhat reclusive compared to most of my coursemates, but I’d like to think that I’ve had a fair share of good times with them, regardless of how limited my participation was.

I didn’t get to go places because of some limitations. My parents greatly discouraged me from traveling. “You can go back later when you’re already working. In fact, you can visit any country you want to once you’re earning some decent money on your own,” my mother once told me. I feel a little sad for not taking the opportunity to travel, but I know Mom meant well for me. I’ll be back, maybe in a couple of years if not next year for certain events where I get semi-sponsored out of luck. I’ll be traveling a lot starting from next year, so I really should not feel sad about not having the time and money to travel this year and the last.

I believe that as long as I’m alive and breathing, opportunities live with me, walking side by side with me and holding my hands. They will always wait for the right time to pull at my sleeves, so I won’t feel sad anymore.

Remembering all those little things makes me feel old. I’m no longer that girl who was paranoid all the time about what people would think about her if she were to choose a certain path. I’ve become that girl who doesn’t care about what people think about her and thinks that she at least has a right to make her own decisions.

I’d like to just extend my deepest condolences to friends who lost their loved ones in the span of two years being overseas. It must have been a great emotional challenge to go through, so I hope my feelings would somehow reach them and become a tiny portion of their strength (even if they don’t need it from me).

I can’t wait to go home. I just can’t wait.

And I’m sure this entry is just one in a series of posts relating to ‘nostalgia’ that I may possibly be writing soon.

Armageddon Expo, Parnell Festival of Roses & Other Stuff

Parnell Festival of Roses @ Parnell Rose Gardens, New Zealand
Parnell Festival of Roses @ Parnell Rose Gardens, New Zealand

Starters: I’ve been so lazy to update the blog because I’ve been quite active at my Livejournal ever since I renamed my account and purchased a whole year of paid account. I can never really leave my LJ. Ever. The communities are hard to leave behind. Besides, I’ve been there for more than six years. My first account was deleted and my current account that I still use actively and love is nearing it’s sixth birthday ♥. How could I ever forget this attachment? I promise myself to get a permanent account when I start working!

So many things happened in October. I’m now done with assignments, just waiting for finals. I’m also currently really busy with packing up everything that I want to ship back to Malaysia as well as to pack everything so that I can move out early to lodge with Mira, Atie, Mint, Dzeti and Pikah to save money. Yup. Money is extremely tight now. I can’t afford to spend more than necessary. I’m still emo-ing and angsting over the fact that my dress for the formal farewell dinner cost $50 (although $50 is dirt cheap considering it’s from Max). Lol, to think that I’d willingly buy a regular Nike t-shirt for $60 and not angst about it… That really says something about my personality.

Armageddon Expo: Aside from assignments, finals, practicum presentation (that sucked like there’s no tomorrow!) and packing, Mira and I went to the Armageddon Expo on the second day of the event. I’m not fond of western comics and gaming stuff that I can’t really relate to, but my enjoyed my day oggling looking at cosplayers of my favourite series, looking around for stuff that I love (and bought two reference book for my works), blended in with the crowd and went happpy-happy-crazy at the cosplay game, blablabla. Usually I’d write more about this sort of event, but maybe I still feel shaken whenever I think about my camera that I almost lost that day at the expo. Someone found it and brought it to the information counter. I was so relieved! Whoever that kind soul was, he/she has my eternal gratitude!

Farewell Lunch: our juniors organised a farewell lunch for us last week. The food was awesome. Really awesome. It looked like a regular lunch buffet you’d have back in Malaysia, but it tasted awesome (well, it was a restaurant serving Malaysian food at Hobson Street). And the endless refill of drinks. Mmhmm. I’m so grateful for the lunch and I got to bring some back for dinner too! Oh, self, what a cheapskate!

Parnell Festival of Roses: I went to Parnell Rose Gardens with Mira and Hijrah this afternoon. The roses were all in full blossom and they were beautiful. It would have been more wonderful to gaze at the flowers without so many people there, but hey, it was a family festival! Stalls selling various items, stages where people I don’t know performed, children dancing happily to the orchestra and many more. It’s funny that I think the highlight of this event was me buying a box of takoyaki and enjoying it under the sun. I wasn’t even that hungry. It’s just that it’s takoyaki, and I haven’t had one for a long while! It was delicious~ I was tempted to get the obanyaki set too, but then my mind kept saying ‘money! money! money!’ so I didn’t buy any. Amazing how money takes precedent over healthy diet in my life, LOL. Although it was a long walk from my place (didn’t take the bus), it was enjoyable. Remind me to thank Faris for randomly telling me about this event.

Until next time.

Parnell Festival of Roses @ Parnell Rose Gardens, New Zealand

The manifestation of Fear in Dreams. Or nightmares.


I’ve always known that I have some kind of fear of failures, but I didn’t think it would haunt me in my dream. Despite my dislike of writing about dreams, I find myself compelled to write this one for memory’s sake. In most of the dreams that I could remember, I was always in school or academy – the kind of environment that’s only suitable for learning. Last night was different in a way that it deals specifically with assignments. For some reason, my dream self did not submit an assignment due in January and only realised about it when it was already October. I was not sure if I truly did not submit it, or it was just my fear taking over (in the dream, of course). There was arguing and begging and pleading with the lecturer in charge of that subject.

What woke me up was the lecturer’s words, “They are all looking to catch you off guard and fail you. You know you’re finished if you fail the next one.”

I never failed a single paper in life. Not ever. I guess this is what the last semester does to me. I’m not performing as good in two of my subjects now, so the fear of failure is taking over me. It’s funny to have myself flail and squeak and freak out, unlike my previous self who would study like mad by now.

I just can’t find it in me to study so diligently like when I was in secondary school, chasing after scores and grades. The enjoyment I could gain only from studying seems to be gone somewhere. I can’t feel it anymore. Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn’t what I should call ‘enjoyment’. It was not even ‘self-accomplishment’. It’s more like a ‘drive’ to please and fulfill the desires and meet the expectations of everyone around me. I failed to realise that all along, that was my fear of getting scorned by others, mainly my parents.  This particular fear is one that binds my dreamscape to school scenarios up until now.

It’s somewhat irritating, really. Hmph, and this entry is so pointless it hurts.

Birthday and Sailing Experience

decks01Yesterday was my birthday, and I have to say that it was probably the dullest birthday I’ve ever had. First, I forgot about it until late Friday night. I was like, “Wait, today’s 25th? So tomorrow’s my birthday? Huh??”. That just goes to say that time just moves too fast for my brain to catch up. Seriously. It’s been raining non-stop in Auckland the past couple of weeks. It rained yesterday too, of course. I spent the day indoor listening to the strong wind howling throughout the whole apartment. It was a downright creepy sound too. Before I knew it, the day was over and 27th came (Happy Birthday Akmar!!).

But today is like a wonderful post-birthday celebration of sorts. Our class went on a sailing trip (though we were on two separate boats). It’s the first sailing trip I’ve ever had and it’s probably going to be the last one too.  Can’t afford it otherwise (this trip was sponsored, so…). I’d rather spend the money traveling on planes to different continents if I can afford the luxury. The wind was nice. The view was nice once we get past the docks. No one got seasick~ We were practically standing on the seats.

At first, we were so in the ‘BOAT RACING!’ mood, but then the wind was too nice to even think about competing. Lol. Just before we end the trip, our boats docked side by side where everybody brought out the cakes and sang a birthday song to Akmar and I. The cakes were also meant for Eid 😉 I didn’t know there was going to be cakes. The cheesecake was awesomely delicious. Just a little bit saltier than usual but delicious nonetheless. Next comes the lunch. Fried rice from Angie’s Kitchen. The best thing was that…

…we ended up eating lunch where it says ‘No passengers on decks‘. Pfft. Just like us. Just like in the picture;  it was taken where we definitely shouldn’t be at.

This trip, I have to say, is a very memorable one for me. After the dull day yesterday, this Sunday is definitely several times more awesome.

Now I have to return to my deadly EDUC348 assignment. For some reasons, I’m not freaking out at all although I’m calling it ‘deadly’. Hmm. I must have snapped.

p.s/What’s with the sudden onslaught of Russian spams? They were in Russian before, but now the comments are in English. The comments are so funny too. Pfft.I guess spammers really do try so hard to fail at life evn though they’re already so full of fail

p.p.s/ Mom, I’m not as anti-social as you think, lol. I’m just an indoor kind of person, like a disproportionate chubby, overweight hamster that’s too comfortable in its cage ♥♥♥

Aidilfitri Celebration at The Cambridge and other stuff

C4 Cake

Isn’t the cake cute? I love it. The one who made it is cute too ♥♥

Eid Mubarak! Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all Muslims around the world. I know the first of Syawal was yesterday for the most par of the world, but for us in New Zealand, it’s today on Monday. One extra day of fasting for us over here. This is my last Aidilfitri in New Zealand, yay! I miss celebrating with my family and friends.

  • We had lots of food. Every apartment (or any group) brought at least one dish. Mira and I made Nasi Himpit and Kuah Kacang. Other food include cupcakes, chocolate mudcakes, assorted cookies, lontong, beef rendang, different types of rice vermicelli etc. We totaly stuffed ourselves silly (not really).
  • Playing and singing to Guitar Hero on the X-Box with Sheryll. I should get the video uploaded after the internet quota is reset tonight.
  • Staying back with Mira to play Scene It! with Nigel, Wira, Dyau and Faris. Most of us were guessing wildly at the most part anyway. Well, I’m totally not a movie person, so yeah… Clicking ABXY randomly is fun.
  • Randomly washing the dishes and brought back leftovers from the party XD Since Mira and I are so sadly and poorly broke, we appreciate the extra food for storage. Really.
  • Need to cook chicken rendang for our apartment. For our own celebration (somewhat), even though we’re broke like whoa.
  • I think a certain someone should totally be disowned/banned from our cohort. I don’t care if she finds this entry. This is beyond rational. I bet she regrets being a member of Cohort 4, and I bet she thinks of most of us as lower than her standard – whatever that standard happens to be. Not that I care. Go and join your circle of friends. Go on. Don’t come to meetings with Sheryll, please. Disregarding prety much everything Cohort4 organises means you’re totally out, so go.

Regarding that old, old OLD post about Tesco Kota Bharu

One sentence from me: Shut the hell up, you racists.

I wish people would read the posting date before leaving comments, because seriously, commenting on entries over a year old makes them seem pretty stupid.

What the hell is up with random visitors from Malaysia googling for Tesco Kota Bharu and leaving retarded, simple-minded derogatory comments smelling heavily of racism on my entry written almost two years ago? Why do you care what I’ve got to say? This is my place, so I get to have my say. Go write your own blog entry, retards. I’m well aware that I’m being rude and I’m not sorry. If they can leave thoughtless comments, I can respond crudely as well.

You try building your own business empire if you’ve got so many things to say. Empty words may sound pretty to you, but they stink like rotten fish in reality. Stupid racists and stupid simpletons.