Caramel Toffee //

- My Messy Desk, WSA, Auckland (21.05.08) -

I keep stumbling upon blogs of young Malaysian bloggers these past few days. Some are taking PMR and some SPM. Makes me feel a little bit nostalgic somehow; I remember my days of manual blogging in 2001 before using Greymatter in 2002-2004 and moving on to b2evolution, and finally wordpress and Joomla. But it’s not this recollection that hit me with this sense of nostalgia. It’s what I read in those young darlings’ blogs.

Aside from records of normal everyday occurences, it seems that most of them are talking about scrapping as many A’s as possible in exams. I remember how I was like that too when I was at that age. It’s not until I’ve left school that I actually reflected back on what I view education as - what I truly want from education, and from being educated.

Life of A Student and the Race for A’s

I thought back on why I wanted so much to get as many A’s as possible. How did I feel back then when I got 5A’s in UPSR? How did I feel back then when I got 8A’s in PMR? How did I feel when I got 8A’s in SPM? I remembered getting extremely upset with my SPM results. I felt like tearing the result slip, because it hurt to look at the B’s when I’ve worked myself sick for the exam. I got slightly envious of those who got straight A’s, and felt really, really low because it was the first major exam where I didn’t manage to scrap all A’s. And the B’s upset me because they were what I didn’t expect.

Now that I think about it, I couldn’t help but smile. Never mind if the smile is actually bitter or not. While chasing after the A’s, the grades and the rank, I was unconsciously falling into a dangerous trap. I didn’t realise that I was trying to please other people all along. I didn’t realise that getting the A’s was not really about personal gratification, but about feeding the expectations of society. At that time, maybe even now, some people’s view on what makes a student ‘good’ is his or her grade. Academic excellence comes before anything else, because it is what we can easily observe. It’s what the eyes can see. Like me, years before, I never really considered that they are actually many ways to define excellence and intelligence. As I grow up, portions of my thoughts mature with me.

I’ve come to learn that the nature of excellence and intelligence varies across cultures and society. What a particular society defines as ‘giftedness’ may not necessarily apply to another society. Imagine the uneasiness I feel when breaching the subject of education in Educational Psychology tutorial. We get to hear the views on education from students all over the world. Like in Japan, grades are everything for students. In New Zealand, the United States and a few other countries, skills and abilities matter the most in defining intelligence (particularly cognitive skills). So then, what is the definition of excellence and intelligence in Malaysian culture?

I ask myself now: For all the subjects that you got A’s or those that you worked so hard to get A’s for, do you still remember what they’re all about? If you got A for History, do you still remember all the historical facts you learned in History? If you got A for Math or Add-Math, do you still remember all the formulas? If you got A for Chemistry, do you still remember all those equations for chemical reactions? Chances are: “Probably” or “I don’t” would be the answer. I don’t think I could ever say “Absolutely!”. What might had taken me only 2 minutes to solve back then might take 30 minutes now. Some people might even straight away claim “I don’t remember anymore la~”

What tickles my brain at the moment is the fact that there’s still a race to get as many A’s as possible in education. Does it still mean anything if deep understanding is not achieved?

Life as a Teacher-trainee and Teachers

When I graduate as a teacher, what is it that I want my student to achieve? What do I have to emphasise in the classroom? Should I keep reminding them of how they should work hard to get an A for the subject I teach? Or do I remind them of how important it is for them to acquire the right skills and the right knowledge so that they can use it in the unseen future? Why do I get the feeling that I’d be told off by the school authority if I choose the latter?

Moving out of the topic of students and learners, I have other dilemmas weighing down on me too.

Why are teachers rated on the scale of how many of the students taught by them managed to get A’s in their subject disciplines? Why are schools rated on how many of their students get high results? Why provide teacher-trainees the motivation to ‘make a change for the better on the education policy’ when they’re going to be ripped off of their ‘freedom of speech’ once they are posted at schools? Why keep telling us that we’re the ‘agents of change’ if we’re going to be asked to ’shut up’ later? Why pay us to study overseas if we aren’t allowed the opportunity to change what we were initially asked to change?

My seniors who had just had their graduation ceremony a few weeks ago are already teaching. However, it upsets me greatly that many of them were actually asked to teach subjects which are completely out of their subject discipline. I knew this scenario isn’t foreign in the past, but I had hoped it would change before our era. They were sent to study English, and how to teach English. This also applies to teacher-trainees of other programs - they were taught their respective subject disciplines and were supposed to teach within their subject disciplines. Within their expertise. So why, when it’s so blatantly obvious that there are shortages of teaching staff in a particular subject discipline, are they not assigned to the right ones?

I’m learning English, and I’ve lived in Kelantan all my life. If me asking to teach in Kelantan receives a reply sounding like “There’s no empty post” in the near future, then I would know how much of a nonsense that is. My old school was short on English teachers. The school my mother taught in was short on English teachers. Even the schools my elder brothers and sisters-in-law teach now are short on English teachers. So why pray tell are those who were trained to teach English stuck with teaching subjects they are not trained to?

I could get a headache out of all this. I even worry about writing a blog entry such as this - worry that I’m not allowed to voice all these out. Will I get some kind of penalty for this? God knows. Until later.

- Lecture Theater, School of Engineering, University of Auckland (21.05.08) -

I was feeling quite sleepy in EDUC 283 tutorial today, but I only have myself to blame for that. I slept at about 3.15am last night, so you could guess how hard it was to get out of bed and walk to class at 10am. Our pedagogy discussion today centered on the Facilitator approach to teaching. Theorists we’re familiar with including Vygotsky, Piaget, Hunter, Maslow and Gardner were brought up. I don’t think I will be much of a facilitator when I graduate, though (or should I say ‘if’ I graduate?). I’m more inclined towards the Executive approach, I think. When discussing the Facilitator approach, we delved into the MAKER profile and discussed the redeeming qualities and features of this approach.

A facilitator teacher engages in what we call the Care Pedagogy, which is why teachers who adopt this approach are high in awareness of the needs of students; they also emphasise on attaining and maintaining good relationships with students. This approach considers features of Humanistic Psychology, Constructivism, Multiple Intelligences and a few other aspects. In short, it’s all about teaching students by guiding them to achieve self-actualisation (the highest level in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs), providing them care and making students a priority when making decisions.

No, that certainly doesn’t sound like me.

After the tutorial, Mira and I went to UBS to browse for books. I should remind myself more often to not wander around the psychology and the history sections of the bookstore when I have less than $400 in my bank account. It made me slightly distressed, not being able to buy the books that I want. I think I’ll be buying a few books with the coming allowance. Granted, we should have gotten our allowance about a month ago. Some titles that I want to buy are:

1. Truth
2. Artificial Happiness
3. Rousseau’s Dog
4. Social Intelligence

A lot? Yes, I know. I have an unhealthy obsession with non-fiction books. I find them more compelling to read, which explains why my bedtime reading usually involves… a grammar book.

EDUC 223 lecture and tutorial today dealt with the topic of classroom management. It’s basically similar to what I’ve learnt back in IPBA during my 1st year, only that the one I learned last year was more in depth. EDUC 223 only covers the theories and practices, common rules, logics, etc. Last year, my coursemates and I were not only exposed to Classroom Management as a standalone subject, but also to classroom management theorists such as Colorosso (Teaching With Love and Care), Canter and Canter (Assertive Discipline) and Alfie Kohn (Beyond Discipline).

I love Alfie Kohn and his ideas. And his classroom management beliefs, of course.

That aside, I’ve made a list of what I should be doing online after having done with the finals (or soon, if I have time):

1. Move my technology blog to geekdom.info and start tech blogging again.
2. Revamp stylishgeeks.net into a collective or a graphic site with photoshop brushes, etc.
3. Finish my web/blog directory at ireadyou.net
4. Launch booklyhour.com where I’ll be writing mainly about books
5. Revamp junjou.info to make it more user-friendly
6. Make new photoshop brushes, graphic items, Joomla/Wordpress themes and PSDs
7. Launch words.ireadyou.net for original artistic pieces

On another matter, I’m currently really happy that Junjou.info now boasts of minimum 10,000 unique visitors per month Way to go!

- Wellesley Student Apartments, Auckland (20.05.08) -

I had to go through an unpleasant shower of drizzle on the way to class this morning. The rain was not heavy, but New Zealand’s famous strong wind made it difficult. Umbrellas could only save half of your upper body, and that is if you’re lucky your umbrellas don’t get blown or damaged by the wind. In ESOL210, we got further into the ‘Results & Discussions’ section of research reports. Pretty interesting, I have to say, but I still like ESOL210’s language focus practices. Those practices make me feel that it’s absolutely true when people say, “You find new things everyday!”

Mira and I came back to our apartment right after our ESOL210 class. June was preparing her breakfast, though I don’t really want to know what she was really preparing. We went to our rooms, just barely saying ‘hi’ to her as a polite form of greeting. I was having my brunch (White rice with chicken vindaloo and chicken tikka masala. Yum!) when the management staff of Wellesley Student Apartments (where I’m staying) barged in, happily announcing “Room inspection!”

I didn’t mind this part. What I minded (and still mind) was the outcome. Our rooms were all okay, but we got a Red warning notice regarding the kitchen wall and the microwave. What pissed me off to a greater extent was June herself. She started saying about how we should get the microwave clean and the kitchen walls sparkly, or otherwise we’ll be fined. I was not in the mood because of the rain, and June just had to go and be her usual obnoxious self. Most of the time, I tolerated her presence and her constant egocentric chatter. This time around, however, all I wanted to do at that time was yell into her ears. What got me so pissed off?

1. The microwave was half-broken. By this, I mean that we can use the microwave as convection oven and for grilling, but not the microwave function. How ironic that we have to call it microwave despite this faulty trait. We have not used it for God knows how long. The last time I used it was more than a month ago, and that was to bake cakes. Two weeks ago when everyone cleaned the apartment together, Mira and I were in charge of the kitchen. We scrubbed everything dry. My hands were all twitchy for two days after all the cleaning and scrubbing. Whatever that can be seen from inside the microwave (including orange streaks that look so much like corroded metal, and they probably are) is not removable. Try smoothing the surface with your hand. It’s all smooth, not a fickle of dust can be picked up. But June, being obnoxious, dared to ask us “Did you use the metal scrub or not?” and dared to make that unsatisfied look on her face.
2. She was the one who used the microwave last. A few days ago, she messed the lounge up with her stuff and spent the whole night baking muffins. She was telling us about her sister’s birthday and how she was going to take pictures of her friends posing with the muffins and saying “Happy birthday, [insert her sister's name here]!”. It was funny how she asked me if that’s a great idea, but then she answered on her own that “of course it’s a great idea!”. In other words, whatever happened to the microwave after our cleaning session was her fault. She was the only one who used. And she dared asking Mira and I to clean it again?
3. Not only she’s obnoxious, but she’s also a hypocrite. She paste a note on how we should not leave our pots and pans in the kitchen, and that we should wipe the table and all. Did she do all that? I can recall many times where she would just leave her pots and pans, and her plates or tupperwares on the dining table or on the kitchen counter, or in the sink. And until now, she keeps dirtying the dining table with breadcrumbs. She leaves for her class without minding the mess on the table. Great, June. You’re such a pot who dares to call the kettle black.

She’s lucky she didn’t do her ritual of asking me (or any of us) “Which one looks better?” and “Which one matches with this one?”. If she did, I would have blown up and yelled straight to her face. Quoting my friend Hijrah’s blunt remark, “If you’re originally ugly, you’ll be ugly either way.” I would have yelled it to her face had I not know what self-control means. Another thing I can’t stand about June is her egocentric ways of dealing with people. If she wants to speak to any of us, she has the habit of rattling the doorknobs to try to barge into the room. When she finds the door to be locked, she would bang on the door incessantly. And very loudly.

There is a limit to kindness, and there certainly is a limit to tolerance. We’ll have to tolerate her for another six months. Oh, the horror. Let’s see how much longer I can keep my self-control in check.

- Autumn in the University of Auckland, Auckland (19.05.08) -

It rained just before I walked out of the apartment building this morning. Autumn in Auckland is really inconsistent. When it’s supposed to be cold, the sun shines down like it’s angry. Sometimes, it rains like this morning - just a brief shower. Another time, it would rain non-stop for a whole day. That scenario usually occurs on weekends when I have plans to go out, though.

I expected ESOL 210 class to be less packed today, considering how we had EDUC 283 assignment to hand in by 4pm. I wasn’t expecting the class to be so empty, though. There were only nine of us attending the lecture, and our lecturer Rosemary smiled knowingly. She must have had similar experience throughout her teaching career. So, with only nine students, you can just imagine how boring the class was. Mira and I tried to see the fun in ‘Results and Discussions’ section of research reports. Sorry, Rosemary. We couldn’t help the sudden snorts, chortles and silent giggles we made when we did the exercises on pages 197 to 205. Well, the fact that the sample research dealt with English vocabulary and teenagers was amusing enough. The fact that 100% of the test subjects answered correctly to the word ’sex’ was another. I want to see the research instrument! It must have been funny, because I saw words like ‘cream’, ’skirt’, ‘copy’ and ‘original’. They couldn’t answer ’skirt’ but they could answer ’sex’, just what in the world were they thinking?

Speaking of ESOL 210, I got back my 3rd assignment and my 3rd test paper. So far, so good. I got 8% out of 10% maximum for each paper, so I guess I’m pretty safe. I have two more papers for ESOL 210 in the form of a test and an assignment, weighing the last 30% of the course marks. Each paper weighs 15%, and I must get at least 11.5% out of 15% for each of the paper. Not need, but absolute must! Otherwise I’ll fall to B+.

I don’t know what will happen to my EDUC 283 assignment, but I’m pretty sure I won’t get good marks for it. It’s really hard to submit a paper when there’s no clear format of how to answer. It’s not an essay, yet it’s not just a simple comprehension task. I think I would have been more confident if the assignment was in the form of an essay or research/observation. I would gladly write a 5000-word-essay if the instructions are clear. I am to be blame for putting myself on a tight spot. It was a last minute work, and I feel really bad about it. But I know I brought it upon myself. My mind went blank on me after submitting EDUC 223 assignment last Friday. I only got my hands to type out the words late last night and after ESOL 210 class this morning.

I skipped ESOL202 class for the purpose of finishing the assignment too. Yes, I am in a dire need to go and punish myself. No splurging on anything more than $10 for 1 week. I’ll keep reminding myself that for punishment.

I sound like I’m adopting the Executive approach. And here I thought I’m more likely to adopt the facilitator approach…

- Queen Street, Auckland (17.05.08) -

First of all, I’d like to welcome Izz and Henry to the Caramel Toffee/Junjou.info family Now I have three darling hostees under my wings (or the lack thereof) ;). Izz keeps a site where you can watch streaming anime episodes, and Henry is making an online portfolio. My best wishes go to both of you and your website projects!

Okay, so I kind of lied when I said I’d use this blog to focus on my academic endeavours. I actually have an EDUC283 (Pedagogy: Beyond Skills & Methods) assignment that I need to complete, and yet I’m writing this. Well, I can’t help it. The hot-cold-hot-cold autumn weather is not friendly to my cognitive ability as well as my internal balance. I think from now on, I’ll start posting a photo along with a blog entry. I may not be good enough of a writer, but I can give you a taste of how Auckland is like through pictures and my somewhat crappy blog entries. And yes, if that makes Caramel Toffee a photoblog, so be it.

I think my English and my Japanese is getting better with each passing days. Being enrolled (albeit forcefully) into ESOL210 (Writing Research Report) guides me to a much better academic English writing. I may not know of things like ‘parallel structures’, ‘bare participles’ and ‘participial phrases’ before, but now I can fully different and apply them in my writings. I may not be an expert in APA referencing before, but now I may as well be one. All the courses that I enrolled in make me more conscious in my academic writings. I’d watch out for little mistakes, I’d proofread my essays as much as I can, and I’d try to use perfect grammar instead of intelligible and acceptable grammar. My first EDUC223 (Educational Psychology) reflects my efforts in learning and applying grammar rules in my academic writings. I got 100% for grammar and referencing although I lost a fair amount of marks due to my carelessness in incorporating research evidences into discussions and arguments.

I am also doing quite well in ESOL202 (Phonology). Provided, it is only my elective. Credit hours aren’t counted for this course, but I still like the content of what I learn. I may not like the lecture format which resembles small-class discussions, but the skills taught are worth it. My spoken English is getting better after attending ESOL202 lectures, and I’m glad for it. I’m also relatively better in IPA now. If you ask me, I may well be able to write a full-length letter in IPA codes. I’ll be taking Linguistics (Applied Grammar) next semester, so IPA will help me pull through.

As mentioned above, my Japanese is also improving. If I could understand spoken Japanese better than written Japanese before, the two skills are now almost on the same levels. I can read kanji and write kanji characters better than ever. I’m really glad. Books in Auckland are cheap - this is one fact that delights me. I’m sure I’ll miss being able to buy reasonably priced books when I return to Malaysia. Academic and non-fiction books (I’m more interested in non-fictions) cost heavenly in my beloved home country. Thinking back, I wasn’t able to construct even simple sentences as written below a couple of years ago:

ゆうべはあまり寝ませんでした。そうして、今朝八時に起きて朝ごはんをたべた。今日のお天気がいいですが、お金がなくて買い物ができませんでした。すべてが本当につまらないし、何もやられないだった。本当にいやですね、私が　Ｔ＿Ｔ
つか～自分の日本語はまだ上手ないですが、もっとがんばります！

I didn’t sleep well last night. So, I woke up at 8 this morning and had breakfast. Today’s weather was good, but I couldn’t go shopping since I didn’t have money. Everything was really boring, and I didn’t get anything done. How terrible I am T_T
Anyway, my Japanese is still not good, but I’ll work harder!

There may be a whole lot more that I can write about, but I guess I should stop here. My assignment is calling me. Until later!