I thought the most flattering thing a girl could ever receive from a guy on his confession is a bouquet of red roses. Apparently, I was wrong. Being presented with a ring that carries so many of a person’s hope and feelings defeats all other thoughts I may have had. Maybe I was dumbstrucked by the words he said, or maybe it was the ring, which strangely fits my ring finger so well. I’m not so conceited as to think that maybe, this is fate that was waiting to happen, but I was hit by pleasant warm feelings that made me all calm, warm and fuzzy.

If you ask me where, when and how it started, I won’t be able to tell you because I myself don’t even know. I was pretty convinced that it wasn’t me he liked, considering his adamant repetition of “I don’t want a teacher” and the sudden “It definitely wouldn’t be me” when I joked with my friends about something like “Lol, who the heck is the poor husband who marries me XD”. What was I supposed to think when someone tells me something like that? I guess you can say that that was the first time I sort of thought that he thought I like him, and that he was giving reminders to me so I don’t continue liking him. Surely you wouldn’t be so serious telling other people the criteria of the partner you want in life, especially when the criteria goes against the other people, unless you want them to get away from you… right?

Or so I thought. So in an attempt to make him feel at ease with me, I summoned the picture of someone I used to have feelings for and used the feelings I once had for him to pretend I was still hung up on him. I felt bad for using people, but hey, I was trying to preserve a friendship here! If he thinks I like someone else, surely he won’t think I, um, like him…right?

Again, so I thought.

Now let’s fast forward a little bit. He started talking to me more. He started spending more time with me , and for some unknown reasons, I couldn’t find it in me to turn him down when he asks me out for dinner etc, even if he was asking me in his roundabout ways most of the time (until I had to ask him ‘Do you want me to accompany you?’. Seriously!). At this point, people who know me well started giving me hints, pointers and whatever else you’d call a wild rumour. Catcalls? That’s the least of my worry then. Of course I didn’t believe them. In my mind, he was still so adamant about wanting nothing to do with someone like me, so there’s no way he was spending time with me because he liked me more than just a friend.

Not much happened after that. So many beating around the bushes and so many hints that I regarded purely as false hints. A couple of days after the exam, we had dinner where he asked me to watch a movie with him at the cinema. I said yes because somehow, spending time with him has become something like a habit. We started YMing. For once, my YM behaved pretty nicely, so we ended up chatting for a whole night. In the middle of our conversation, he suddenly went into contemplative mode where he started a string of conversation I couldn’t understand (until much later). I know I’m slow when it concerns my own self, but I never thought I was that slow. I was so frustrated that I couldn’t understand what he was trying to tell me, so I cried. I always cry when my emotion is on the extremes – too frustrated, too angry, too sad… It’s just something I think I got from my Mom =)

I stared into the mirror for quite a while before I went to bed, thoughts swirling in my head. And then I thought about one person I thought I still have one-sided feelings for up until a certain point in time. Actually, I don’t quite feel anything for him anymore as I’ve learnt to let go over the years. I know I’ve stopped thinking about that person a couple of years back. I also know that at one point in time, I was mildly interested in him (him as in him, not that person) but I didn’t put much thought into it. That was foundation years, maybe? I couldn’t remember.

It took me a while to realise that I may possibly have stronger feelings for him after all, and that scared me into tears.

Moving on. The movie outing was nice but confusing as hell. I don’t know if he was simply teasing me, or if he’s trying to give more direct hints. Direct hints or not, I was not convinced. Time to pry a bit more? Yes, of course! I don’t really like prying, but my heart was at stake. If he really does feel something for me, maybe then I’d admit that I do feel something for him too. I’m too used to burying my feelings deep inside me, so I didn’t know how deep my feelings for him run. Even at that point in time, it’s probably deeper than I thought if he was affecting me so much in so many ways. Not amusing, okay? Hmph.

The next day, we went out with Hanin, watching the same movie. More hints and teasings. From ‘our house in the future’ to Love Letter to heart-shaped onigiris, right until before we went back. I was waiting for a time where he won’t suspect a question from me, so I asked him midway as we were walking to the taxi stand. I hate to recall our brief conversation because I totally interpreted what he said as something along the lines of ‘I’m actually just using you in order to rediscover my feelings‘. That was my interpretation. The hurt intensified. I was ready for a firm ‘No, I don’t feel anything for you’ or ‘No, I was just playing with you’ or ‘No, I don’t like you.’

I never cried so hard out of frustration and possibly anger in a long time. I cried so very hard for most part of the night until I fell asleep.  The last time I did something similar was probably in 2007 because of some issues… heh, not worth remembering. I was holding on to his phone and HDD at that time. Just one look and I got frustrated all over again. Heck, I even saw him in anything red and black, like my own Nintendo DS – and I got frustrated all over again and again and again. When I woke up in the middle of the night to find a few lines left by him on my IM, I let my fingers smash the keyboard keys. I let him know how hurt I was, and I gave him an ultimatum. That wasn’t very nice of me, but I was tired. So very tired of feeling weighted down by the unknowns. In my own twisted way, I want to hurt him as much as he hurt me, or at least just let him feel the hurt I felt. I don’t care anymore. If he doesn’t tell me soon, if he continues to be so indifferent in his roundabout ways, if he asks me to forget about everything that transpired for the past few days, I’m not sure I could talk to him like I always did.

I was edgy the next day. I went into the lecture hall without looking up. I simply grabbed an empty seat and sat down. Hanin actually texted me to tell me that he was pestering her about wanting to talk to me. I actually smiled then. At least he still wanted to talk to me. I was actually scared that he’s just going to be the average guy who’d shrug everything off at his convenience. I’m not used to staying angry at someone for long, but this time, I’m not going to give in. I tell myself that I’m not at fault this time, so I’d wait for him to apologise. I thought I was going to have to wait for a few days.

Scratch a few days. Our conversation happened not a couple of hours after Mdm. Ooi’s lengthy speech about the INTEL course. It was a somewhat solemn conversation. I didn’t let him go the roundabout this time. What I wanted at that moment was blatant honesty – honesty that drips from his heart.

And honesty was what I got. I was expecting an apology when he gave me the three words a girl always wishes for deep down, even more so when those words were accompanied by a ring. I was so touched that again, tears came to my eyes. I didn’t realise I was such a crybaby. Did I wait for this? Did I wish for this to happen? Not really, as I was expecting an apology and a ‘let’s just be friends like always’ sort of speech. Was I happy? Yes, I was, and I am. He was shaking, and that just moved me to another extent.

How cute. And touching.

I was happy. So, so happy.

I accepted the ring. I accepted his feelings. I accepted his heart as I open my heart for him and him alone. I’ve never opened my heart to anyone else, even when they insisted that they really do like me. It felt as though a heavy burden had just be lifted off of my shoulders. And then I realised that all of this time, maybe, maybe I do feel for him longer than I thought.

How come I never realised he was the one I was waiting for in my life?

Somehow in the end, I’m just a girl who is always fearful of so many untold possibilities. Sometimes when I look at him, I think about how long he’s going to feel this way for me. I think about the possibility of him getting bored of me after a while, or of him realising that he’s chosen the wrong person after all. After all, I’m not that much of an interesting person to hang out with, I’m quite possessive, I get jealous quite easily (though I don’t show it), I’m not pretty, and the list goes on and on and on….

But well…

Dear Zaki,

When you’re in doubt, come back to this lengthy entry I wrote for you. Come back and read every word because I meant every word with all my heart. When you think I’m being annoying, come back to this entry and consider it my apology for being such a girly girl at times. When you think I’m being pushy and you can’t stand it, come back to this entry and see that I am just a scared person who might be thinking about you more than you’re thinking about me.

It’s okay if you don’t think about me so often. It’s okay if you don’t spend time with me so often. It’s okay if you don’t want to walk with me or stay next to me so often. It’s okay if you think I probably am not the one you imagine spending the rest of your life with. As long as your feelings for me are sincere, you’ll make me very happy, and I’ll try to make you happy too. I can’t promise much, but I can at least promise that I will try my hardest to not break your heart; so please try not to break mine. Please, please, please try. Maybe we’ll argue here and there, now and then, but that’s parts and parcel of life. As long as you stay loyal to me, I promise that my eyes won’t ever divert to another. We’ve both been through so much in this life. We’ve both been through (what you call) emotional blockades of sorts. We’ve both been heartbroken and used before. We both have deep scars that run deeper than anyone thinks.

I may not know what love really means, but I don’t mind learning the meanings with you.

Pinky promise?

Sealed with a flying kiss,

W. I. Adlina ~2010~
Written originally on May 12. Final revision written on June 8.
Approximately 2050 words.

© 2010, Adlina. All rights reserved. Please link back to this page if quoted.

A couple of weeks ago, I submitted my last assignment. Just a few days ago, I sat for my final exam. The next semester? It’s all practicum. I’ll be going to SMK Seri Saujana (info, anyone?) with Hanin and Mira, but this post isn’t about practicum. Not yet. It’s not that I’m not ready to go into school for actual teaching. I’ll be lying if I say I’m not scared, because I am, but I’m not ready to let go just yet.

I may be quick to have a change of heart at certain things, but to let go of the last five years is something very hard. I know I’d still see my best buddies until the end of this semester and during practicum. Next year is still over 6 months away but I’m already thinking about separation. I know I’m not close to every one of my coursemates, but I acknowledge and applaud them for their unique personality that makes them… well, them. You can describe someone without mentions of names and we’d probably right away know whom you’re talking about. If I can sum up my coursemates in one word, I only know of one:

A W E S O M E

I probably won’t ever come across similar lot of people anymore – people with talents ranging from sewing to drawing to singing to playing multiple musical instruments to sports et cetera et cetera. It makes me a bit sad. When I return to my hometown, it’s probably going to be even harder to find people like them. Don’t try to correct me. I know this by experience. Even if you think your lot is 100 times more awesome, I can’t verify that since I don’t know them (duh!). Will there still be someone who’d listen to me when I speak or joke?

When I was in secondary school, I remember my teacher saying something like “The friends you make during the last 5-6 years of your life as students are likely to be the ones who’d stay in touch with you throughout your whole life our of pure friendship. They’re likely to be the ones you’d remember the most anyway, so cherish them always.” I seriously hope this is true.

Mira, Hanin, Khairiyyah, Nisrin, Hijrah, Lucille, Zu Lee, Rozi, Dyau, Fifi (I’m stuck calling you that, LOL, sorry!), Zaki, Fayadh, Atie and the name goes on. You guys know which ones of you lot changed bits and pieces of my previously monotonous life. You made me smile, smile, smile, laugh, cry, laugh, smile, cry, smile, and you let me feel all sorts of feelings and emotions – so much that sometimes I’m scared of how dependent I’ve become on my friends. Thank you for being my friends. Thank you for even listening to whatever I’ve crapped about.

I’ve been through changes, like the once smooth surface of wood now lavished with cracks here and there that let sunshine, wind and even rain through. Some parts, though, remain the same, but not so – just like a splash of water to the sand. Splashes after splashes, changes in texture are bound to happen, but they probably would not be so noticable, unlike those obvious cracks in the wood. Some changes made me happy, some not so. I want to leave IPBA so much because sometimes, it feels like I’m living in a military camp where some of the higher ups bark rudely and bitchy-ly most of the times. At the same time, I don’t want to leave my friends and the happy time we had.

And now I also have wonderful juniors as apartment mates and young friends, and special mention to Shap for being my cute and not so naive (anymore because there’s Mira and me , LOL) roommate. Our time of knowing each other is short, but at least I want you people to know how happy you made me feel when you acknowledged my existence.

I’m being emotional. Maybe it’s the time (4.18am). Maybe it’s just me.

And now I’ve lost the stream of words I was supposed to write down. Maybe I’ll continue later.

Ciao.

p.s/ Credit to Zaki for the photo.

© 2010, Adlina. All rights reserved. Please link back to this page if quoted.

The final year is a bit taxing. So many assignments and deadlines to meet. So many activities. The experience is made worse by authorities who hide under the pretense of ‘the ones who prioritise students affairs’. I’m not going to put names (obviously, duh), but I’m sure fellow friends would be able to recognise them by mere descriptions← That’s how much they’re scowled upon.

The Department of Idiotic Idiosyncrasy: Maybe there are a couple of nice people in this department, but there aren’t many of them there. Doing everything on short notices is synonymous with this department. They want everything to be done quickly, but they work at the speed sometimes slower than snails. Let’s not talk about being efficient and dedicated. If you dare tell it to my face that you think they’re the efficient bunch in this college, I’ll gladly smile in your face and tell you to fuck off.

I’d love to know if they’ve actually taken a measure to make things easier to us students – efforts that we can all recognise and rejoice and actually praise them for. They can do everything for the sake of keeping the college name ‘untainted’ (lolwhat? too late for that, no?), but they can’t do shit to make our life easier. I’ve never hated a group of people more than I’ve grown to hate this department of idiotic idiosyncrasy. I’d love to try calling them ‘idiosyncrasical’ and see if they actually understand the word. I bet they’d take it as a compliment if I say it with a smile.

Mister Bastardass: No, he’s not even a lecturer. I bet this guy knows not the meaning of ‘respect’. I don’t even know if he actually really respects his superiors or he’s just been getting on their good sides for the selfish reason of getting a good standing. His temper is worst than a stormy day. Screaming here and there, treating students like kids. LIKE KIDS. We’re over 20, you idiot. You obviously know nothing about psychology, much less pedagogy, so stop barking at tree trunks. You don’t know how to communicate with kids. You confuse fear for respect. You THINK you are feared/respected. Well, observation says you’re not feared. Respected? Dream on.

You know, you don’t shout at adults. You don’t raise your voice and think we’re a bunch of kids who know nothing. You don’t shout at people and think that we’re a bunch of rebellious tweens.  We’re adults and we’re rebellious, so what? Think about the bunch of people (cough, mainly the department of idiotic idiosyncrasy) who gave us no option but to be rebelious for the sake of our rights (or the lack of it, as recognised by the aforementioned department) Like it or not, we’ve been to places you’ve never been to before. Essentially, it’s not arrogant of me to tell you that we actually know better than you when it comes to (ahem) the education system. So? Just… stfu.

Madame Loudspeaker: I don’t remember seeing her around before going to New Zealand, so she’s a new face to me. Oh, what a new face hers is! The first encounter with her was shitty. Commenting on mine and Mira’s watches won’t give you any credit, woman. Trying to sell us your sewing kits or the likes won’t earn you any credits too. She abuses the PA System like nobody’s business. She acts totally like she owns the whole living complex, signing off everything under the name of the Department of Idiotic Idiosyncrasy. She tries to act like her real namesake, but she fails horribly at it. Very, very horribly.

There was once when she made a comment to me and I was in a bad mood. She did’t have to authority to barge into my personal life, so I glared at her and ignore everything she said, giving her with a mere “Could you please stop complaining? It’s my life you’re trying to intrude upon”. I bet I was not that polite when I said it, but you get the point. I’m seriously tired of listening to her high pitched voice over the PA System, with announcements laden with fake concern and grammatical mistakes that could make even school children learning Malay cry. Please, please, please learn the basic of plural nouns in Malay language *cries*.

I really want to know if they really do think about us students when making decisions. For example, our apartment is cramped with so many students and still they’re thinking of stuffing more. There was this incident where Madame Loudspeaker came into my apartment with two guys from (I don’t know) the higher ups’ department in Putrajaya. Room D is not that big. The most you can fit into the room is 3. Those guys had the nerve to ask “Oh, can’t we put five people inside?”. …. Get five of them to sleep there for just a night and get their feedback the next day. If they give you positive feedback, they obviously lie through their nose.

I don’t know what Madame Loudspeaker said/did because I was still pissed at the fact that she let two guys into an all-girl’s apartment and then left our apartment door ajar when they left. Courtesy, woman. Courtesy! And then the notes about us having to empty our rooms to give room to teachers attending courses during the holiday was just plain stupid and inconsiderate. It was signed with ‘honourable mention’ of the Department of Idiotic Idiosyncrasy too.

So…

Awesome people we have back in the old college, huh? ^__^

© 2010, Adlina. All rights reserved. Please link back to this page if quoted.

Yes, the image above is a proof that I’m back to my lomography obsession now.

So I’ve sent two years worth of stuff for shipping yesterday morning. My apartment now looks like a messed up playroom of some poorly organised schoolchildren. After struggling to fit my two years of life into three tea chest boxes, my body aches all over. The boxes were too high for me, so bending down in the correct way was not possible at all. I had to bend down like a dork, even stepping into the box at some point, to make sure the items stay the way I want them to. My back hurts like there’s no tomorrow because of that.

Now that the finals are around the corner (this Saturday, to be precise), I find myself thinking back to the days when we first reached Auckland. It feels like a long time ago, but it also tastes fresh in my mind still. I may be somewhat reclusive compared to most of my coursemates, but I’d like to think that I’ve had a fair share of good times with them, regardless of how limited my participation was.

I didn’t get to go places because of some limitations. My parents greatly discouraged me from traveling. “You can go back later when you’re already working. In fact, you can visit any country you want to once you’re earning some decent money on your own,” my mother once told me. I feel a little sad for not taking the opportunity to travel, but I know Mom meant well for me. I’ll be back, maybe in a couple of years if not next year for certain events where I get semi-sponsored out of luck. I’ll be traveling a lot starting from next year, so I really should not feel sad about not having the time and money to travel this year and the last.

I believe that as long as I’m alive and breathing, opportunities live with me, walking side by side with me and holding my hands. They will always wait for the right time to pull at my sleeves, so I won’t feel sad anymore.

Remembering all those little things makes me feel old. I’m no longer that girl who was paranoid all the time about what people would think about her if she were to choose a certain path. I’ve become that girl who doesn’t care about what people think about her and thinks that she at least has a right to make her own decisions.

I’d like to just extend my deepest condolences to friends who lost their loved ones in the span of two years being overseas. It must have been a great emotional challenge to go through, so I hope my feelings would somehow reach them and become a tiny portion of their strength (even if they don’t need it from me).

I can’t wait to go home. I just can’t wait.

And I’m sure this entry is just one in a series of posts relating to ‘nostalgia’ that I may possibly be writing soon.

© 2009, Adlina. All rights reserved. Please link back to this page if quoted.

Starters: I’ve been so lazy to update the blog because I’ve been quite active at my Livejournal ever since I renamed my account and purchased a whole year of paid account. I can never really leave my LJ. Ever. The communities are hard to leave behind. Besides, I’ve been there for more than six years. My first account was deleted and my current account that I still use actively and love is nearing it’s sixth birthday ♥. How could I ever forget this attachment? I promise myself to get a permanent account when I start working!

So many things happened in October. I’m now done with assignments, just waiting for finals. I’m also currently really busy with packing up everything that I want to ship back to Malaysia as well as to pack everything so that I can move out early to lodge with Mira, Atie, Mint, Dzeti and Pikah to save money. Yup. Money is extremely tight now. I can’t afford to spend more than necessary. I’m still emo-ing and angsting over the fact that my dress for the formal farewell dinner cost $50 (although $50 is dirt cheap considering it’s from Max). Lol, to think that I’d willingly buy a regular Nike t-shirt for $60 and not angst about it… That really says something about my personality.

Armageddon Expo: Aside from assignments, finals, practicum presentation (that sucked like there’s no tomorrow!) and packing, Mira and I went to the Armageddon Expo on the second day of the event. I’m not fond of western comics and gaming stuff that I can’t really relate to, but my enjoyed my day oggling looking at cosplayers of my favourite series, looking around for stuff that I love (and bought two reference book for my works), blended in with the crowd and went happpy-happy-crazy at the cosplay game, blablabla. Usually I’d write more about this sort of event, but maybe I still feel shaken whenever I think about my camera that I almost lost that day at the expo. Someone found it and brought it to the information counter. I was so relieved! Whoever that kind soul was, he/she has my eternal gratitude!

Farewell Lunch: our juniors organised a farewell lunch for us last week. The food was awesome. Really awesome. It looked like a regular lunch buffet you’d have back in Malaysia, but it tasted awesome (well, it was a restaurant serving Malaysian food at Hobson Street). And the endless refill of drinks. Mmhmm. I’m so grateful for the lunch and I got to bring some back for dinner too! Oh, self, what a cheapskate!

Parnell Festival of Roses: I went to Parnell Rose Gardens with Mira and Hijrah this afternoon. The roses were all in full blossom and they were beautiful. It would have been more wonderful to gaze at the flowers without so many people there, but hey, it was a family festival! Stalls selling various items, stages where people I don’t know performed, children dancing happily to the orchestra and many more. It’s funny that I think the highlight of this event was me buying a box of takoyaki and enjoying it under the sun. I wasn’t even that hungry. It’s just that it’s takoyaki, and I haven’t had one for a long while! It was delicious~ I was tempted to get the obanyaki set too, but then my mind kept saying ‘money! money! money!’ so I didn’t buy any. Amazing how money takes precedent over healthy diet in my life, LOL. Although it was a long walk from my place (didn’t take the bus), it was enjoyable. Remind me to thank Faris for randomly telling me about this event.

Until next time.

© 2009, Adlina. All rights reserved. Please link back to this page if quoted.

I’ve always known that I have some kind of fear of failures, but I didn’t think it would haunt me in my dream. Despite my dislike of writing about dreams, I find myself compelled to write this one for memory’s sake. In most of the dreams that I could remember, I was always in school or academy – the kind of environment that’s only suitable for learning. Last night was different in a way that it deals specifically with assignments. For some reason, my dream self did not submit an assignment due in January and only realised about it when it was already October. I was not sure if I truly did not submit it, or it was just my fear taking over (in the dream, of course). There was arguing and begging and pleading with the lecturer in charge of that subject.

What woke me up was the lecturer’s words, “They are all looking to catch you off guard and fail you. You know you’re finished if you fail the next one.”

I never failed a single paper in life. Not ever. I guess this is what the last semester does to me. I’m not performing as good in two of my subjects now, so the fear of failure is taking over me. It’s funny to have myself flail and squeak and freak out, unlike my previous self who would study like mad by now.

I just can’t find it in me to study so diligently like when I was in secondary school, chasing after scores and grades. The enjoyment I could gain only from studying seems to be gone somewhere. I can’t feel it anymore. Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn’t what I should call ‘enjoyment’. It was not even ‘self-accomplishment’. It’s more like a ‘drive’ to please and fulfill the desires and meet the expectations of everyone around me. I failed to realise that all along, that was my fear of getting scorned by others, mainly my parents.  This particular fear is one that binds my dreamscape to school scenarios up until now.

It’s somewhat irritating, really. Hmph, and this entry is so pointless it hurts.

© 2009, Adlina. All rights reserved. Please link back to this page if quoted.

But today is like a wonderful post-birthday celebration of sorts. Our class went on a sailing trip (though we were on two separate boats). It’s the first sailing trip I’ve ever had and it’s probably going to be the last one too.  Can’t afford it otherwise (this trip was sponsored, so…). I’d rather spend the money traveling on planes to different continents if I can afford the luxury. The wind was nice. The view was nice once we get past the docks. No one got seasick~ We were practically standing on the seats.

At first, we were so in the ‘BOAT RACING!’ mood, but then the wind was too nice to even think about competing. Lol. Just before we end the trip, our boats docked side by side where everybody brought out the cakes and sang a birthday song to Akmar and I. The cakes were also meant for Eid I didn’t know there was going to be cakes. The cheesecake was awesomely delicious. Just a little bit saltier than usual but delicious nonetheless. Next comes the lunch. Fried rice from Angie’s Kitchen. The best thing was that…

…we ended up eating lunch where it says ‘No passengers on decks‘. Pfft. Just like us. Just like in the picture;  it was taken where we definitely shouldn’t be at.

This trip, I have to say, is a very memorable one for me. After the dull day yesterday, this Sunday is definitely several times more awesome.

Now I have to return to my deadly EDUC348 assignment. For some reasons, I’m not freaking out at all although I’m calling it ‘deadly’. Hmm. I must have snapped.

p.s/What’s with the sudden onslaught of Russian spams? They were in Russian before, but now the comments are in English. The comments are so funny too. Pfft.I guess spammers really do try so hard to fail at life evn though they’re already so full of fail

p.p.s/ Mom, I’m not as anti-social as you think, lol. I’m just an indoor kind of person, like a disproportionate chubby, overweight hamster that’s too comfortable in its cage ♥♥♥

© 2009, Adlina. All rights reserved. Please link back to this page if quoted.

Isn’t the cake cute? I love it. The one who made it is cute too ♥♥

Eid Mubarak! Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all Muslims around the world. I know the first of Syawal was yesterday for the most par of the world, but for us in New Zealand, it’s today on Monday. One extra day of fasting for us over here. This is my last Aidilfitri in New Zealand, yay! I miss celebrating with my family and friends.

• We had lots of food. Every apartment (or any group) brought at least one dish. Mira and I made Nasi Himpit and Kuah Kacang. Other food include cupcakes, chocolate mudcakes, assorted cookies, lontong, beef rendang, different types of rice vermicelli etc. We totaly stuffed ourselves silly (not really).
• Playing and singing to Guitar Hero on the X-Box with Sheryll. I should get the video uploaded after the internet quota is reset tonight.
• Staying back with Mira to play Scene It! with Nigel, Wira, Dyau and Faris. Most of us were guessing wildly at the most part anyway. Well, I’m totally not a movie person, so yeah… Clicking ABXY randomly is fun.
• Randomly washing the dishes and brought back leftovers from the party XD Since Mira and I are so sadly and poorly broke, we appreciate the extra food for storage. Really.
• Need to cook chicken rendang for our apartment. For our own celebration (somewhat), even though we’re broke like whoa.
• I think a certain someone should totally be disowned/banned from our cohort. I don’t care if she finds this entry. This is beyond rational. I bet she regrets being a member of Cohort 4, and I bet she thinks of most of us as lower than her standard – whatever that standard happens to be. Not that I care. Go and join your circle of friends. Go on. Don’t come to meetings with Sheryll, please. Disregarding prety much everything Cohort4 organises means you’re totally out, so go.

Regarding that old, old OLD post about Tesco Kota Bharu

One sentence from me: Shut the hell up, you racists.

I wish people would read the posting date before leaving comments, because seriously, commenting on entries over a year old makes them seem pretty stupid.

What the hell is up with random visitors from Malaysia googling for Tesco Kota Bharu and leaving retarded, simple-minded derogatory comments smelling heavily of racism on my entry written almost two years ago? Why do you care what I’ve got to say? This is my place, so I get to have my say. Go write your own blog entry, retards. I’m well aware that I’m being rude and I’m not sorry. If they can leave thoughtless comments, I can respond crudely as well.

You try building your own business empire if you’ve got so many things to say. Empty words may sound pretty to you, but they stink like rotten fish in reality. Stupid racists and stupid simpletons.

© 2009, Adlina. All rights reserved. Please link back to this page if quoted.

Writing For People vs Writing For Oneself

People are hard to please. When you write for an audience, you lose your freedom of speech. What started out as ‘I write because I like this topic’ becomes ‘I write this because many people like it’. It’s horrible. It’s like you’re doing a 3000-word assignment and hoping to get A+, but in the end managing to scrap only a B+ at most (Oh my, why am I comparing this to assignments? I really need to get mine done ASAP.)

My biggest pet peeve when it comes to writing: People who literally begs for comments and reviews.

Let’s take good ol’ dumpster Fanfiction.Net. You find people begging for reviews everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Worse still, there are noobs who write comments like ‘I won’t update the story/add a new chapter until I get at least [insert number here] reviews, so READ AND REVIEW PEEPS. Kthnxbai!’. Seriously, what the effing hell is wrong with those people? That’s even worse than begging. Ordering readers you don’t even know to review your story, especially when you’re new and still struggling with grammar building readership, is a big no no. Ugh.

Right. I’m rambling. My point is that when we write for the purpose of meeting someone else’s expectations, our tone of writing is noticeably different.

The Web Hosting Scene

Why can’t we have subdomain hosting that rocks on the English speaking side of the world too? I don’t need more domain name. I want something nice and cool and isn’t long like thisismydomainlolz.TLD

I’m kind of dismayed that we don’t have services like the ones offered by Japanese companies like Lolipop, Chicappa (and all other services under GMO), Stepserver, Sakura Internet and some other hosts. They provide pretty list of domain names to choose from for your subdomain. It’s paid service, I know that. I also know that many people frown at having to pay for a subdomain hosting. Random reader who accidentally stumble upon this entry might think I’m crazy, huh.

Yes, we have many free hosting services. You can have subdomains if you don’t have a domain name but your host would have lame names that don’t mean anything to you. I wouldn’t want my site to be hosted on a subdomain with the word ‘host’ in it. It’s just so uncool. So not unique. If there’s a company offering paid subdomain hosting with great support, with choices of domain names that actually have wonderful meanings, I’d be glad to pay. What we have over here is domain name squatting. I fucking hate that lame ass strategy of buying domain names and keeping it, looking to sell it for 1 million bucks (excuse the exaggeration, please). At least develop the damn domain OR design a better looking ‘parking lot’ for the ‘oh so beautiful’ domain names. The closest I could find is the cute free hosting at Bubble.Nu. Some pretty awesome domain names available there.

The practice of holding back expired domains for years and years and years is another infuriating thing. After estdomains went poof, and the registrar of one of my domain names disappeared along with it, keeping me from renewing the domain (That guy I was dealing with was Malaysian!), I’ve been waiting for that domain name to be released. But nooooo, it just had to be kept. Fuckers.

Okay. Signing off now before I get more too aggressive offensive.

© 2009, Adlina. All rights reserved. Please link back to this page if quoted.

-Before moving to Sharkspace. With WP-Super Cache half-on. Last straw? Lol -

As much as I love Media Temple, the move just needed to be made because I won’t be able to support the hosting cost. Maybe I’ll go back to it after graduating and getting my first pay, but it’s goodbye for now. Anyways, after two months of hesitating, I’ve finally made the move. I’ve moved to Shark Space because observing it for two days shows that sites hosted by Sharkspace loads faster than some other hosts I’ve been eyeing. The move, however, is not flawless.

1. Missing visual editor in WordPress 2.8.4
I was frustrated when I couldn’t get anything done to restore it back to how it originally was. I tried re-installing wordpress, deleting and replacing wp-admin and wp-includes folder – nothing works. I thought it was permission problem. Checked the permissions and saw everything CHMODED perfectly. The SCP transfer from {mt} didn’t have trouble at all.

The only thing that worked for CT to restore the visual editor was to add the following line to wp-config.php

define( ‘CONCATENATE_SCRIPTS’, false );

I’ve never used this line before.

Oh well, I’m not the type to bother my web host until I’m damn sure it’s beyond my capabilities (but hey, Shark Space has this utterly amazing response time! I’m totally impressed~). It’s not pride. It’s just learning to be independent. For now, this seems to work. When things stop working, maybe then ‘ll find another solution or finally relent and plead for some help from the technical team XD

2. Missing directories for Add-on Domains & Subdomains
To avoid clutter, my add-on domains and subdomains are always placed outside public_html folder. The weird thing is… I couldn’t access the files inside the folders. They all seem to be missing. I thought I’d get 500 or 503 error messages when I tried to access some files directly (files that I know are there), but I got 404! I’ve deleted the domains and subdomains. I’ll try again and see what happens then.

3. SMF Database Restoration Error
Apparently, the new database doesn’t like all strings connected to the smf_shop plugin. Everything else worked fine. Just that one plugin. Something about MySQL version. I should have see this coming.  I was moving the databases from version mySQL 4 to mySQL 5. Ugh.

It would be wonderful if I can solve the missing post body problems with Junjou. If thep problem persists after the move, then maybe I’ll consider starting afresh with new content and keep the old entries in a subdirectory in case someone wants to access the old contents still.

Right. Back to work.

© 2009, Adlina. All rights reserved. Please link back to this page if quoted.