It doesn’t take long to notice the signs. I guess the signs had always been there. I just chose to ignore them. From gaining a lot of weight in a short span of time, irregular and absence of menses, pimples and acne suddenly popping up like nobody’s business, difficulty in losing weight even after trying so hard…. they were all there. Having the doctor confirm my suspicion felt much worse than I thought it would be although I was already bracing myself for the impact. Granted, I expected something worse. I am thankful that it isn’t so.
Still, I am now a PCOS sufferer. O…k.
It’s quite common but it’s a nightmare nonetheless. Imagine. You’re eating much less than your thinner friend but you find yourself having to try extremely hard to shed just 1kg off the scale. SO FRIGGIN HARD. Then, somehow, everyone keeps telling me it is ‘INCURABLE’. I did a lot of reading and concluded that it’s not that PCOS is incurable. It’s just that even if I manage to loose all that unwanted weight, I will always have a genetic predisposition towards PCOS. It doesn’t sound that bad… right? After the first meeting, they put me on Provera for 3 months and asked me to begin a stricter diet. However, Provera resulted in additional 5kg weight gain so they set me on a different medication for another 3 months 🙁
I’m coping with this as positively as I could. Nevertheless, it hurts when inconsiderate people ask me “Don’t you have children yet?”. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not bitter at all. In fact, I love looking at pictures of my friends and family with their newborns and tots on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc although sometimes, there’s this inexplicable pang in my heart (especially when some of them seem to post new things about the babies every hour of the day). Think of it as looking at someone who smiles a sad smile. You’d feel a pang of sadness too, won’t you?
Regardless, I am blessed with a husband who understands me so well, family members who support us and friends who understand. For that, I am determined to survive this. I won’t always be sad. I believe that Allah has something better in store for me in the future yet to come.