Caramel Toffee //

The semester is getting busy yet again. It has been raining so much lately that I didn´t get to snap decent photos that can be shared with everyone. Anyways, I´m now in the middle of two assignments. One for Linguist203 and another one for Educ225. My weekly lab report doesn´t count, because that´s what I´m going to have to do every week all the time.

During our Professional Development session with Sheryl today, we were briefed about our school visits starting tomorrow and the next four Thursdays thereafter. I´m still not sure if I am or am not looking forward to the school visits. In the end, we´re all going to have to do a presentation about the teaching of English in New Zealand compared to the one in Malaysia. I think I can do that. I´m also thinking of making a flash presentation instead of just the usual powerpoint presentation. Heck, I haven´t even been using Microsoft Office for a while now. I´ve been using OpenOffice for a while after my Office went haywire after a certain update.

In Linguist203 lecture, Mark was telling us more about sentence constructions and the type of sentences. I´m guilty of not paying much attention because I was typing up my Linguist203 assignment due next week (on the 22nd of August). I think I´m done with the assignment. I may need some proofreading and clarification on my copula constructions. That, and then I can submit the assignment before the due date.

As I´m typing this, I´m currently in my COMPSCI111 lecture. Today´s lecture continues the previous topic, The Introduction to XHTML and moves on to XHTML and CSS. I´ve done the exercises. I´m really glad I´m taking this course. I have absolutely no problem with this topic, and I´m hoping for a good grade. At the very least, I´m putting high hopes on this course to make up for the B´s and B+s I got in the last semester. I hope to get at least A for this course (though I really want an A+, but alas I don´t think I´m that good yet).

- Behind Symond Street S4 - Auckland (02.07.08) -

The chill of winter is finally seeping through even the closed window. I’m suddenly glad that it’s winter break. Even though we don’t get snow in Auckland, its still cold enough to make me shiver every once in a while. And my feet and fingers practically turn to ice every night. I don’t know if it’s associated to the cold, but I’ve been experiencing trouble sleeping at night. Last week, I went without sleeping at night for four straight days. After the fourth day, I crashed. Slept at around 4am and didn’t wake up until 5pm. No wonder my housemates got worried when I didn’t leave the room for that long. I know I’m the type who keeps to her room, but I usually get out of my room to do the cooking and other tasks.

I haven’t been doing much. I wasn’t even able to concentrate on my writings, or any of my projects for that matter. Nothing is proceeding according to plan. I haven’t even started burning some videos in the DVDs for Nisrin even though I promised to mail them to her during the holiday. I guess I need to apologise to her. I’ll still do it, Nisrin, no worries. Just give me some time to overcome this extreme laziness.

The second semester will be starting this 21st, yet I have not yet signed up for my elective. I’m thinking of taking COMPSCI 111 (Computer Science), mainly because I need to do a subject in which I can guarantee to myself that I can score. From what I heard from the seniors, COMPSCI 111 is really easy. They only teach basic stuff about computer parts, the internet, some website making basics, histories pertaining to the computer, etc etc. I think I’ll managa, so next week I’ll proceed to sign up.

As I’m writing this, I’m still waiting for my EDUC283 result for the final exam. I think I screwed up really badly. I desperately hope I won’t fail the paper. God knows what would happen to me I if I do. I’m sure Mama would screech into my ears when she sees the result slip in the mailbox.

Joy…

I passed the other subjects, but most of them were only B+. I really screwed up in some courseworks even though the last EDUC223 (for example) scored me 87 out of 100. That was me writing 15 pages of essay. No wonder I sucked at the others, which I did in only around 6 to 10 pages.

Oh, and I don’t even want to begin to rant about my last ESOL202 assignment. I should be satisfied with the result, but I really expected something more than what I actually got for it.

So, the bottom line is: WORK. HARDER. ADLINA!

On another matter, I’m currently in the process of moving my files to a new server. I’m tired of Hostgator issuing warnings that my site is using up too much processes, so I got myself a VPS where I can at least be the boss for my own website projects. I really need to separate academic entries from personal ones.  I also bought Fantastico license alongside WHM/cPanel to ease my work, and yes, it lessens my workload by almost half. I’m getting better at SSH and MySQL too, so I’m really happy right now.

Also, Geekdom.info, which I originally intended to make my academic journal, will be bought by an SEO company for $2000. Even though I love the domain name, I really could use some extra money especially after buying the two-way tickets to go back to Malaysia for this summer. November couldn’t come fast enough!

- My Messy Desk, WSA, Auckland (21.05.08) -

I keep stumbling upon blogs of young Malaysian bloggers these past few days. Some are taking PMR and some SPM. Makes me feel a little bit nostalgic somehow; I remember my days of manual blogging in 2001 before using Greymatter in 2002-2004 and moving on to b2evolution, and finally wordpress and Joomla. But it’s not this recollection that hit me with this sense of nostalgia. It’s what I read in those young darlings’ blogs.

Aside from records of normal everyday occurences, it seems that most of them are talking about scrapping as many A’s as possible in exams. I remember how I was like that too when I was at that age. It’s not until I’ve left school that I actually reflected back on what I view education as - what I truly want from education, and from being educated.

Life of A Student and the Race for A’s

I thought back on why I wanted so much to get as many A’s as possible. How did I feel back then when I got 5A’s in UPSR? How did I feel back then when I got 8A’s in PMR? How did I feel when I got 8A’s in SPM? I remembered getting extremely upset with my SPM results. I felt like tearing the result slip, because it hurt to look at the B’s when I’ve worked myself sick for the exam. I got slightly envious of those who got straight A’s, and felt really, really low because it was the first major exam where I didn’t manage to scrap all A’s. And the B’s upset me because they were what I didn’t expect.

Now that I think about it, I couldn’t help but smile. Never mind if the smile is actually bitter or not. While chasing after the A’s, the grades and the rank, I was unconsciously falling into a dangerous trap. I didn’t realise that I was trying to please other people all along. I didn’t realise that getting the A’s was not really about personal gratification, but about feeding the expectations of society. At that time, maybe even now, some people’s view on what makes a student ‘good’ is his or her grade. Academic excellence comes before anything else, because it is what we can easily observe. It’s what the eyes can see. Like me, years before, I never really considered that they are actually many ways to define excellence and intelligence. As I grow up, portions of my thoughts mature with me.

I’ve come to learn that the nature of excellence and intelligence varies across cultures and society. What a particular society defines as ‘giftedness’ may not necessarily apply to another society. Imagine the uneasiness I feel when breaching the subject of education in Educational Psychology tutorial. We get to hear the views on education from students all over the world. Like in Japan, grades are everything for students. In New Zealand, the United States and a few other countries, skills and abilities matter the most in defining intelligence (particularly cognitive skills). So then, what is the definition of excellence and intelligence in Malaysian culture?

I ask myself now: For all the subjects that you got A’s or those that you worked so hard to get A’s for, do you still remember what they’re all about? If you got A for History, do you still remember all the historical facts you learned in History? If you got A for Math or Add-Math, do you still remember all the formulas? If you got A for Chemistry, do you still remember all those equations for chemical reactions? Chances are: “Probably” or “I don’t” would be the answer. I don’t think I could ever say “Absolutely!”. What might had taken me only 2 minutes to solve back then might take 30 minutes now. Some people might even straight away claim “I don’t remember anymore la~”

What tickles my brain at the moment is the fact that there’s still a race to get as many A’s as possible in education. Does it still mean anything if deep understanding is not achieved?

Life as a Teacher-trainee and Teachers

When I graduate as a teacher, what is it that I want my student to achieve? What do I have to emphasise in the classroom? Should I keep reminding them of how they should work hard to get an A for the subject I teach? Or do I remind them of how important it is for them to acquire the right skills and the right knowledge so that they can use it in the unseen future? Why do I get the feeling that I’d be told off by the school authority if I choose the latter?

Moving out of the topic of students and learners, I have other dilemmas weighing down on me too.

Why are teachers rated on the scale of how many of the students taught by them managed to get A’s in their subject disciplines? Why are schools rated on how many of their students get high results? Why provide teacher-trainees the motivation to ‘make a change for the better on the education policy’ when they’re going to be ripped off of their ‘freedom of speech’ once they are posted at schools? Why keep telling us that we’re the ‘agents of change’ if we’re going to be asked to ’shut up’ later? Why pay us to study overseas if we aren’t allowed the opportunity to change what we were initially asked to change?

My seniors who had just had their graduation ceremony a few weeks ago are already teaching. However, it upsets me greatly that many of them were actually asked to teach subjects which are completely out of their subject discipline. I knew this scenario isn’t foreign in the past, but I had hoped it would change before our era. They were sent to study English, and how to teach English. This also applies to teacher-trainees of other programs - they were taught their respective subject disciplines and were supposed to teach within their subject disciplines. Within their expertise. So why, when it’s so blatantly obvious that there are shortages of teaching staff in a particular subject discipline, are they not assigned to the right ones?

I’m learning English, and I’ve lived in Kelantan all my life. If me asking to teach in Kelantan receives a reply sounding like “There’s no empty post” in the near future, then I would know how much of a nonsense that is. My old school was short on English teachers. The school my mother taught in was short on English teachers. Even the schools my elder brothers and sisters-in-law teach now are short on English teachers. So why pray tell are those who were trained to teach English stuck with teaching subjects they are not trained to?

I could get a headache out of all this. I even worry about writing a blog entry such as this - worry that I’m not allowed to voice all these out. Will I get some kind of penalty for this? God knows. Until later.

- Lecture Theater, School of Engineering, University of Auckland (21.05.08) -

I was feeling quite sleepy in EDUC 283 tutorial today, but I only have myself to blame for that. I slept at about 3.15am last night, so you could guess how hard it was to get out of bed and walk to class at 10am. Our pedagogy discussion today centered on the Facilitator approach to teaching. Theorists we’re familiar with including Vygotsky, Piaget, Hunter, Maslow and Gardner were brought up. I don’t think I will be much of a facilitator when I graduate, though (or should I say ‘if’ I graduate?). I’m more inclined towards the Executive approach, I think. When discussing the Facilitator approach, we delved into the MAKER profile and discussed the redeeming qualities and features of this approach.

A facilitator teacher engages in what we call the Care Pedagogy, which is why teachers who adopt this approach are high in awareness of the needs of students; they also emphasise on attaining and maintaining good relationships with students. This approach considers features of Humanistic Psychology, Constructivism, Multiple Intelligences and a few other aspects. In short, it’s all about teaching students by guiding them to achieve self-actualisation (the highest level in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs), providing them care and making students a priority when making decisions.

No, that certainly doesn’t sound like me.

After the tutorial, Mira and I went to UBS to browse for books. I should remind myself more often to not wander around the psychology and the history sections of the bookstore when I have less than $400 in my bank account. It made me slightly distressed, not being able to buy the books that I want. I think I’ll be buying a few books with the coming allowance. Granted, we should have gotten our allowance about a month ago. Some titles that I want to buy are:

1. Truth
2. Artificial Happiness
3. Rousseau’s Dog
4. Social Intelligence

A lot? Yes, I know. I have an unhealthy obsession with non-fiction books. I find them more compelling to read, which explains why my bedtime reading usually involves… a grammar book.

EDUC 223 lecture and tutorial today dealt with the topic of classroom management. It’s basically similar to what I’ve learnt back in IPBA during my 1st year, only that the one I learned last year was more in depth. EDUC 223 only covers the theories and practices, common rules, logics, etc. Last year, my coursemates and I were not only exposed to Classroom Management as a standalone subject, but also to classroom management theorists such as Colorosso (Teaching With Love and Care), Canter and Canter (Assertive Discipline) and Alfie Kohn (Beyond Discipline).

I love Alfie Kohn and his ideas. And his classroom management beliefs, of course.

That aside, I’ve made a list of what I should be doing online after having done with the finals (or soon, if I have time):

1. Move my technology blog to geekdom.info and start tech blogging again.
2. Revamp stylishgeeks.net into a collective or a graphic site with photoshop brushes, etc.
3. Finish my web/blog directory at ireadyou.net
4. Launch booklyhour.com where I’ll be writing mainly about books
5. Revamp junjou.info to make it more user-friendly
6. Make new photoshop brushes, graphic items, Joomla/Wordpress themes and PSDs
7. Launch words.ireadyou.net for original artistic pieces

On another matter, I’m currently really happy that Junjou.info now boasts of minimum 10,000 unique visitors per month Way to go!

- Wellesley Student Apartments, Auckland (20.05.08) -

I had to go through an unpleasant shower of drizzle on the way to class this morning. The rain was not heavy, but New Zealand’s famous strong wind made it difficult. Umbrellas could only save half of your upper body, and that is if you’re lucky your umbrellas don’t get blown or damaged by the wind. In ESOL210, we got further into the ‘Results & Discussions’ section of research reports. Pretty interesting, I have to say, but I still like ESOL210’s language focus practices. Those practices make me feel that it’s absolutely true when people say, “You find new things everyday!”

Mira and I came back to our apartment right after our ESOL210 class. June was preparing her breakfast, though I don’t really want to know what she was really preparing. We went to our rooms, just barely saying ‘hi’ to her as a polite form of greeting. I was having my brunch (White rice with chicken vindaloo and chicken tikka masala. Yum!) when the management staff of Wellesley Student Apartments (where I’m staying) barged in, happily announcing “Room inspection!”

I didn’t mind this part. What I minded (and still mind) was the outcome. Our rooms were all okay, but we got a Red warning notice regarding the kitchen wall and the microwave. What pissed me off to a greater extent was June herself. She started saying about how we should get the microwave clean and the kitchen walls sparkly, or otherwise we’ll be fined. I was not in the mood because of the rain, and June just had to go and be her usual obnoxious self. Most of the time, I tolerated her presence and her constant egocentric chatter. This time around, however, all I wanted to do at that time was yell into her ears. What got me so pissed off?

1. The microwave was half-broken. By this, I mean that we can use the microwave as convection oven and for grilling, but not the microwave function. How ironic that we have to call it microwave despite this faulty trait. We have not used it for God knows how long. The last time I used it was more than a month ago, and that was to bake cakes. Two weeks ago when everyone cleaned the apartment together, Mira and I were in charge of the kitchen. We scrubbed everything dry. My hands were all twitchy for two days after all the cleaning and scrubbing. Whatever that can be seen from inside the microwave (including orange streaks that look so much like corroded metal, and they probably are) is not removable. Try smoothing the surface with your hand. It’s all smooth, not a fickle of dust can be picked up. But June, being obnoxious, dared to ask us “Did you use the metal scrub or not?” and dared to make that unsatisfied look on her face.
2. She was the one who used the microwave last. A few days ago, she messed the lounge up with her stuff and spent the whole night baking muffins. She was telling us about her sister’s birthday and how she was going to take pictures of her friends posing with the muffins and saying “Happy birthday, [insert her sister's name here]!”. It was funny how she asked me if that’s a great idea, but then she answered on her own that “of course it’s a great idea!”. In other words, whatever happened to the microwave after our cleaning session was her fault. She was the only one who used. And she dared asking Mira and I to clean it again?
3. Not only she’s obnoxious, but she’s also a hypocrite. She paste a note on how we should not leave our pots and pans in the kitchen, and that we should wipe the table and all. Did she do all that? I can recall many times where she would just leave her pots and pans, and her plates or tupperwares on the dining table or on the kitchen counter, or in the sink. And until now, she keeps dirtying the dining table with breadcrumbs. She leaves for her class without minding the mess on the table. Great, June. You’re such a pot who dares to call the kettle black.

She’s lucky she didn’t do her ritual of asking me (or any of us) “Which one looks better?” and “Which one matches with this one?”. If she did, I would have blown up and yelled straight to her face. Quoting my friend Hijrah’s blunt remark, “If you’re originally ugly, you’ll be ugly either way.” I would have yelled it to her face had I not know what self-control means. Another thing I can’t stand about June is her egocentric ways of dealing with people. If she wants to speak to any of us, she has the habit of rattling the doorknobs to try to barge into the room. When she finds the door to be locked, she would bang on the door incessantly. And very loudly.

There is a limit to kindness, and there certainly is a limit to tolerance. We’ll have to tolerate her for another six months. Oh, the horror. Let’s see how much longer I can keep my self-control in check.