Haven’t been doing much these past few days. Both the Maal Hijrah and the new year (interesting that they’re so close this year) have sent me into some kind of thinking mode about the past and the future. My childhood friend, who’s probably the first friend I’ve ever made (considering we are neighbours and we met each other when we were no older than 1 year olds, and both our mothers are from Perak too), pointed out to me that I’ve been way to quite in 2008. Losing contacts with people around me, dissappearing almost without a trace. I’ve only been updating my Livejournal. My LJ is semi-friends-only, so they couldn’t have had access to my entries.
Why was I being a hermit this year? I have no idea. There was this strange feeling of wanting to let go of many things. I had no desire of going out and hanging out with friends. Heck, I even avoided going to gatherings and events, spending holidays in my room. I think it started around April that I stopped caring about my social life. I can’t remember what happened despite having kept a private diary.
Despite all these years of growing up, and despite being over 20 now, I’m constantly reminded that I’m still a child. By my mother, of course. I wonder why it’s so hard to be understood. I’m always what they call the ‘uncaring’ and ‘unfeeling’ one. Is there only one way to show familial love, I wonder? Have I been doing wrong all this time?
Now isn’t the right time to dwell, I suppose. I’m not even making any sense. I probably should stop feeling all down and weary and miserable now. I’d pick myself up from the pieces I reduced myself to, and start over with a fresh start in 2009 and beyond. Yeah, I probably should do that.
Goodbye, 2008. I’m sorry that I’d rather not remember you.
p.s/ My download speed is being a total prick after being praised a bit in the previous entry. Looking at the ‘Speed’ column in my download manager makes me want to pull my hair out. Grr…
© 2008, Adlina. All rights reserved. Please link back to this page if quoted.