A mother’s last responsibility and her lifelong dream

Posted on November 5, 2011 in: Life Experience, Musing, Opinion

It’s never easy to talk about this but my mother makes me face reality every single day anyway. There is no way for me to escape reality because she is always there to remind me. I don’t mind it all that much when it’s true. Most of the time, she’s got a point and her points are always sharp.

Let’s face it. Everyone who knows me knows that I am the only daughter of the family. I am also the youngest child. What do you think the parents’ last responsibility towards a daughter would be? It shouldn’t be that hard to guess, should it? Of course it would be to see that their daughter is happily married to a good man. The ceremony and the reception (or just the kenduri) is also the responsibility of the parents. Why do you think their names are listed as the host and hostess in the invitation card? Sheesh.

Now. My mother has a dream. A lifelong dream of seeing a properly planned wedding of her daughter. This, she told me ever since I was young – ever since I had no intention of marrying anyone (obviously before my fiance found the key to my heart, lol). She is the type of person who likes to plan early. She likes to plan meticulously, as do I. We aren’t perfectionists. We just like to see everything go as smoothly as it can. That’s not a bad trait, right?

She did not get to plan my brothers’ weddings, nope. That was not her responsibility, obviously (duh!). She planned the majlis bertandang or majlis sambut menantu or simply the groom’s reception, which by our norm here (at that time) is normal if it’s just held in a simpler manner. Just a doa selamat would suffice. Well, that was over five years ago, though. I suppose things have changed.

Back to the topic at hand. SO, my mom has a lifelong dream of seeing my wedding reception held at our house, obviously with her daughter and her son-in-law all dolled up beautifully, with pretty deco around us and good food that cost no greater than what we can afford. My parents remind me all the time that the reception is THEIR responsibility, so it will be THEIR money. What I can do is help out as much as I can and provide monetary support only when it’s appropriate. It sounds weird but that’s my parents for you. When it’s their job, it’s their job. I offer my help all the time, of course, because I like to plan too. Buying new furnitures, house improvements, you name it. Sometimes, they approve. Sometimes, they say “don’t, we’ll do that later. Keep your money”. Most of the time, they tell me:

Just let us carry out our last responsibility in peace.

It makes me smile a bitter smile all the time. Always. It makes me happy. It makes me sad. It’s a reminder that we’re all getting older. It’s a reminder that I am no longer a child. At the same time, it’s also a reminder that they acknowledge me as a full-fledge adult now. I thank her for that.

Dear Allah, please bless my parents with health, longevity and happiness. They’ve brought me up as a responsible human being who can now contribute to society. They built comfortable home for their children to grow up in. They provided me with all the necessities I need while growing up and more. Please let my mother carry out her last responsibility and realise her lifelong dream in peace too.

Amin ya rabbal alamin.

Everyone’s mother is different but I would like to believe that every mother loves her children. Every mother is willing to make sacrifices for her children without asking the children to make sacrifices for them first. My mother, I believe, is also like that and I hope I can become like that too one day if I’m blessed with children.

This Eid al-Adha, I also think of my parents’ sacrifices among all others. Happy Eid al-Adha everyone. May Allah’s blessings be with us always :)

p.s/ I’ve stopped counting my tears because with every count, my heart aches.

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The Fiancée and the Fiancé – A New Journey

Posted on June 6, 2011 in: Life Experience

My engagement ceremony started and concluded well last Saturday. Although I didn’t get to see the procession of when Zaki’s family arrived, I did get to see it through short video clips taken by my eldest brother. I was smiling and giggling – how cute of him to be flustered and awkward before entering the house.

It started a little bit after 11am, the original time of the event. Traffic, I guess. My uncle’s family helped lead the way to my house from the mosque. I was confined to a room near the kitchen until my cousin called me out for the exchange of rings. If you ask me what they talked about, I have no idea whatsoever. I’ll assume it’s nothing bad because the atmosphere wasn’t as tense as I thought it would be. I knew I chose the right colour when I saw him wearing the traditional baju melayu complete with songkok. I think my heart skipped a beat. Oh, and he was wearing his specs – I LIKE~~~~ (yes, that’s a confession. I love it when he wears specs, okay. And vests. And dress shirts. And baju melayu, of course). After the rings, we took photos. Lots of photos. I am my own photography director for this event, so none of the shots was professional enough, unfortunately. It sort of made me feel like we’re married but there’s distance between us in all pictures. Nevertheless, we looked happy in those pictures~

I wished everyone was there. My brother and sis-in-law are in Tawau, Sabah. His little brother and two little sisters did not attend the ceremony as well. I hope everybody will be in the next time we have an event like this. I’ll probably hire a pro next time, depending on my budget.

We might have been just friends longer than we’ve been in love, but that doesn’t mean our love is less deep than those who’ve been together for longer than we have. I enjoy learning how to become a good wife for my future husband. Back when we were still studying, I love cooking for him because maaaaannn… he can EAT! I don’t know why, but I soooo enjoy watching him eat up the meals on the dishes (or in the plastic containers). I pray that one day the time will come when we will go home to say “I’m home!” to each other. I pray it won’t be too long a wait too. It’s amazing, you know, how we went from aku kau to saya kamu to abang sayang. It wasn’t so smooth but it happened. Naturally.

Anyhow!

It wasn’t a very smooth sailing. We faced obstacles before coming this far and I’m sure there are many more obstacles waiting for us out there. Am I scared? Of course I am. Is he scared? I think so. Well, if I know him well, I know he is scared as well. We’re both scared. The final date is yet to be set. I can tell my brain to forget about it for a while but I can’t fool myself into thinking that it doesn’t matter. Until the date is set, I’ll be fidgety every once in a while, I guess. My mind is already thinking about the event, budgeting and everything related. Budgeting, most importantly. As much as I hate to mention money, it does get the world moving.

Investing in another good Ariani shawl and a DSLR (albeit an entry one) was probably one of my biggest satisfaction ever. My photos came out lovely. The shawl that I wore provided ultimate comfort for the whole 4 hours of wearing it. I didn’t want to hire a photographer because it was just an engagement, not yet a wedding. What I did was set the camera to the settings that I wanted and taught my closest-to-age cousin Zayanie how to shoot with the camera. She took very nice pictures and I’m so happy with most of the shots. Mission “capture pretty moments” was accomplished! I only wished I had good shots of when Ibu put the ring on my finger but it happened too fast (and I forgot to teach my cousin how to switch to “continuous adv” drivesetting). That’s okay, I guess, because I can always relive the moment in my mind and in the video clips. The photo/video editor? Myself, of course.

To those planning their engagement or wedding in Kelantan especially around Pasir Mas, Kota Bharu and Rantau Panjang, I would like to recommend Aisycreation Boutique located in Tal Tujoh. Lovely owners, lovely arrangements et cetera.  You can flip through my engagement album here. Era Nona near Tesco Kota Bharu has one of the best prices for deco and flowers I’ve seen so far. It beats the one shop I saw in Rantau Panjang by miles.

Although the fiance did complain about the intensity of the make-up…ok, he doesn’t like me in make-ups. I don’t like heavy make-ups as well. I don’t like lipsticks, eyeshadows and blushers but I let the make-up artist do her job. My eyes did feel heavy because of the eyelashes, but well… At least they look kinda nice in pictures :/

I’ll backtrack and press rewind in the next entry. I just realised I spoke not much of my preparation and my graduating ceremony which was held on the 28th of May. For now, I’ll stop at the thumbnails below.

p.s/ I love you, bang. I don’t know when will be the next time we’ll see each other again but I’ll be waiting.

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A Race for Time Management and Financial Planning

Posted on May 22, 2011 in: Life Experience, Opinion

Aunt’s House @ Bachok. Sending off my cousin to UiTM Chendering.

Good time management and financial planning is essential for when you have big events coming up in your life. You can’t do with just one because financial planning alone is not enough and vice versa. When you plan your money, you plan your time as well. It’s almost the same as making investments with banks. You choose a certain period of time, you keep your money there and reap the benefits.

People who have never been to Kelantan may say all the bad things they’ve heard about this state – dirty, poor, etc etc but there has been much development around since the past few years. I could barely recognise my own place anymore after spending much time someplace else. New highways, new flyovers, new buildings, new towns, high-rise condos, shopping malls and many others keep sprouting one after another that the GPS data needs to be updated all the time.

This state is chock full of people. During school holidays, traffic defeats those of big cities. Driving from Federal Highway into Bangsar after office hours is more bearable than driving into Pasir Mas from my house on a normal weekday during school holidays. This is why it is very important to plan things ahead of time. If you’re slow, you lose out on so many good deals.

The Race Against Time: Since Kelantanese return to their hometown during long holidays, tourists need to book accommodations way ahead of time if they plan to visit the state for shopping at Rantau Panjang, Wakaf Che Yeh or even Pasar Besar Siti Khadijah. If you’re coming here for big events such as weddings, you will have to book at least one month before your projected day of arrival. I am currently facing this problem of finding accommodation for visiting relatives. We made a big mistake of not forming a solid plan until a little over two weeks before the date of the event. I called at least 10 guest houses and got the same response over and over: “Fully booked from 28 May to 8 June, sorry.” I drove along the Salor-KB highway into Jalan Pintu Geng until Wakaf Che Yeh to look for decent accommodation open for booking. Tune Hotel next to KB Mall is nice, but the rooms are very small :/ In the end, I chose a fairly new inn around Wakaf Che Yeh. The rooms and beds were okay when I looked, so yeah. Before booking, I asked two nearby inns and found them to be fully booked as well. See how busy this state is?

If you’re planning to get married or engaged in this state, you also have to be VERY quick with your bookings. Bridal boutiques and bakeries are fully booked everywhere. For weddings, it is essential to book AT LEAST FOUR MONTHS BEFORE the big day. Note the ‘at least’ in capital letters. If you try to make bookings around 3 to 2 months before your chosen date, the shop owner would give you a look that says ‘are you kidding?’ -_-”

Finance is the Key: It is most crucial to plan your money. The price of everything seems to move with time. Well, same rules as the peak and off seasons for accommodation apply. Financial planning for the big day must involve two parties. It’s a two-way communication. One way communication just doesn’t work no matter what people say. At my age, I have to draft a solid money and spending chart every month to determine how much I could save and how much I must spend to survive the month (pay bills, car instalment, credit card debt repayment, essentials…). This year and next year will be different, I hope. After confirmation, I’d be around RM430 richer than this year. I just have to make sure my confirmation goes smoothly :D

Saving money towards a certain goal is recommended, right? Same goes to saving for the big day. I don’t know about other people but I’m the type who don’t want to trouble my future husband much. I won’t force my spouse to give me an additional RM1,000 just because we’re married and just because he must give me money for maintenance (nafkah). I won’t be an unemployed housewife, so I could at least help out where necessary. I believe that finance is not the sole responsibility of only the husband – the understanding wife must also play a part ^_^

If there are people who claim that I am too young to tie the knot at this age, I want them to ask themselves; “How old were your parents when they had their first child?” This whole process used to be so simple. I have no idea who came around and made things complicated in our current society :/

Until later. Lots of work to finish still.

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An Elevation of Viewpoints; A Day for Teachers

Posted on May 17, 2011 in: Education, Life Experience, Teaching Life

May 16, 2011. I celebrated my first ever Teacher’s Day as a real teacher today. It was a very colourful day, filled with laughter and games and well, food (not that I care about food). I spent the day going around taking photos of pretty much everything to commemorate my first celebration (as well as to fill my virtually empty folio with something more colourful although nobody needs to know how empty it actually is -_-), changing into a pair of slacks and t-shirt just before the morning session was taken over by mini-games. Sukaneka, of course. Timeless classics such as the musical chair and taking turns to fill bottles with water were present. Teachers who took part were very enthusiastic. I had fun watching them giggle and fight for the chairs until the very last.

It felt different. Celebrating Teacher’s Day as a teacher, that is. The celebration was completely organised by students – hall decorations, gifts, programmes… I can’t remember if I was ever that efficient when I was their age. From the moment I got off my car, the air of celebration was already set up, injected with elements of fun from colourful decorations here and there. I wonder how I felt when I was a student.

Today, I celebrated Teacher’s Day from an elevated viewpoint. When I was a student, I was very excited to give presents to all of my subject teachers. I wanted them to feel happy and appreciated. Now that I’m teaching, I found myself struggling to find words to say to students who came to tell me “Teacher, I’m sorry I don’t have money to give you anything. Can I give you something next week?” It was very touching. I realised that as a teacher, I don’t expect my students to give me anything. I’m very touched when a few students who come from very low financial backgrounds wrapped freshly picked flowers from home and bars of soaps to give as presents.

I used to feel bad when I couldn’t give nice gifts to my teachers. Now that I’m teaching, I don’t want them to feel like I did back then. Students feel pride when teachers accept their offerings, so I told the ‘grieving’ children who didn’t bring any gift to not feel sad. I told them to give me the best present they could give me, but one that they cannot buy with money -a good grade. Nothing makes me happier than hearing my students speak in a complete sentence. At least ONE complete sentence. The sense of accomplishment is way different from receiving gifts.

To my students, thank you for all the colourful gifts. I appreciate each and every one of them. There is no need for you to feel ashamed or down because for me, a gift is a gift even if you give me a box of white chalks or a single pencil. It’s the thought that counts. Teacher’s Day is a day for teachers, so make your teachers happy by coming to school and wishing them a Happy Teacher’s Day with a bright, sincere smile on your face =)

Until next year.

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May 10 & My very own love incarnate.

Posted on May 10, 2011 in: Life Experience, Myself

I’m aware of the fact that I am very hard to handle. Sometimes I’m too quiet. Sometimes I’m too loud. Sometimes I get hurt too easily. Sometimes I’m so evil I just feel like hurting people who hurt me. I’m so random at times too. Sometimes I think I’m weird, but sometimes I have a lot of confidence in myself.

No matter which part of me it is, it seems like you just know how to treat me. When I end up bawling on the phone, there’s always something that will eventually make me laugh before we end the conversation. I end up crying again before I go to sleep because somehow, I miss being comforted when I can see you up close. Does that make me selfish?

I am selfish in the way that I want to monopolise you for myself, perhaps. To other people, it may seem that I am controlling, but we both know what we’re doing.

I never get enough of hearing you say you love me, not because I’m a smug and perasan idiot, but because the feeling of being loved is great. I can’t even begin to explain how it feels. Perhaps if there’s one thing I would regret about us, it would be not finding each other earlier than we did. Well, I had fun being friends with you. I found happiness being lovers with you. When I’m being VERY perasan, I like to think that you and I – we’re meant to find each other. I believe so.

There’s nothing wrong in being vocal about our love, methinks. Keeping quiet about it is wrong. I’m not ashamed to admit to the world that I love you. I love you. It’s pretty funny I can’t imagine calling you anything else than the way I call you now. The best part is that I can’t even remember how and when it started. I guess the transition was very much natural.

I think about people who are going to frown or make disgusted face/gestures at this entry. I think about them and I can’t help but feel like laughing. Frankly, I don’t care.

Eheh.

Happy Anniversary to my beloved.

Abang, thank you for everything. Being loved by you has made me extremely happy. I may cry a lot, but that’s only because I miss you very much. Like now. I hope I make you happy too. I hope the days we are currently waiting for arrive soon. We are going to create more exciting anniversaries, but we both know 10th May will always be special in our list of anniversaries ;D

~chu.

p.s/ I cried lotssssss reading this, okay!

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